LMAO! Soo don't think I am crazy!!
Anyway, I am on babycenter every month, reading posts, learning new things about TTC. Well in the September 2012 Birth Club, some people were posting about this lady "Rose Knows." She is a psychic (don't laugh lol) and so many of the women swear by her. She has different packages, but the one I bought was the the Mommy Package for $30.00. Yes, I know crazy, but I had to know if I was having anymore kids lol! I emailed her on Thursday and got a reply today and here is what she said.
"Jena,
Thank you so much for purchasing the MOMMY'S PACKAGE...It was a pleasure doing this reading for you and I thank you for your patience while I scheduled your reading in! Please also join my facebook business page if you haven't already done so: www.facebook.com/roseknows1111 & invite all of your friends so they can take advantage of all the fantastic giveaways & deals!! *Any feedback via email & facebook as well as testimonials on my website are greatly appreciated!! Also I love getting updates to hear how you have been and how things are going :)
I see you just having one more child... a baby GIRL. The guides are connecting her to MAR/APR. This is for conception or birth month but I am leaning towards CONCEPTION. I see her having a heart of gold!! She will be such a GIVER and help others in need growing up. She seems to also wear her heart on her sleeve... very emotional growing up and always needs and wants extra attention and "mommy's love"... I see her being born a little premature maybe by a month or so but all will be well and she will still be super healthy. I am seeing something about you being in a car when the water breaks or something about being in a car and birth... I really hope it doesn't mean you give birth in the car... LOL... but this will make sense later. I feel this little girl will make your family feel complete and it make a complete closed circle of harmony!! Guides are also mentioning the name Julie or Julianne or Something like this? Either in her name or being someone of significance in her life when little... perhaps a doctor or someone? She will very much resemble your husband... I am told that she will have a beauty mark somewhere on her arm that is really cute and like her "trademark" growing up!! :)
GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING!! ANY FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATED AND PLEASE KEEP ME UPDATED.. let me know if a wish lock is something that interests you!!"
So whoa!! lol I really hope that she means this year!! It was scary crazy how she "knew" all that. I am so dramatic sometimes, very close to my mom and need her approval for so much in life, and I have a beauty mark on my arm too that I have always loved. If she looks like Chris ugh that would suck because I always wanted my little girl to look like me lol. I don't know about the Julie or Julianne being in her name, maybe Juliana, but not the others. I better not be giving birth in the car haha! I was sad she didn't see more kids in my future, but one one so that Wes could have a sibling would be amazing!! lmao I know I am so crazy for paying $30, but I was sooooo curious lol!!
Anyway, I went to the doctor on December 29th and found out my official diagnosis and it is that I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I cried after the doctor's appointment, but it is so nice to have an explanation of why I have not had a baby yet. The plan is for me to be on Clomid for 3 more months 150mg and if I do not conceive by then, then I will have to get my cysts removed in April. My follow-up appointment is March 2nd and I am so praying that I am pregnant by then so I do not have to undergo surgery and "Rose Knows" better be right lol!! He keeps telling me that I should not worry because I will have another baby, but I can't help it lol. I have gotten better about not focusing on it as much because of work and Wes, but I just pray he is right!!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Saturday, December 10, 2011
The Return of The Witch
She definitely showed her face today! Yay!! I really wish I could get back on a regular schedule and start naturally, but that hasn't happened my last 2 cycles. Anyway, I am internally jumping for joy!!! Let's hope this is the month. If I get pregnant this month, a baby would be the ultimate Birthday present because I would be due right around my birthday:)
Friday Night
I have been trying to blog everyday, so I don't have a ton to say every blog. I love blogging, but not for a long time lol. I have been working and Monday I will start classes up again! I am going to be busy bee; however, I am so blessed to be so busy because then I won't have time to obsess over my period coming, ovulation, getting pregnant. I love being busy! I am truly thankful for everything I have been blessed with. Now, if only I can get a baby lol!
Friday morning, I woke to Chris crying out in pain from his side. At first, I thought it was part of my dream, but then I realized it wasn't. I asked Chris what was wrong and he said he was in a lot of pain. I asked him if he needed an ambulance and of course he said no. He "Web MDed" it (LMAO) and "Web MD told him it was kidney stones. I told him he needed to go to the ER like now, but he took some pain killers and said he would be fine until I got home from work at 7pm.
Friday evening I got home and ate my subway. Chris was still sleeping and after I finished my supper, I told him that we were going to the ER now. I got everything the prince needed to occupy his attention; his crayons, paper, DVD player, DVDs, and his phoneme (my iphone). I hope by now, you realize the "prince" is Wes and not Chris lol. Anyway, we went in and Chris was seen in a timely manner. Wes and I waited and waited and finally I got so sick of waiting I went in the back to check on Chris. I expected him to be sitting up because kidney stones aren't that serious, right? Wrong! I go in the back and Chris is connected to all these wires and things are beeping and I am like what is wrong? He told me he had to get a CT scan and that they think since he has a cast on his leg (from his surgery last month), it cause a blood clot and ended up in his lungs. Later it was confirmed that he did in fact have a blood clot. Wes gave him a big hug and so did I. I was really worried about him after that and gave him a hug. I told him I loved him and not to die on me.
I took Wes home around 3am, put him to bed and went to bed myself. I knew I would be up early going to the hospital the next day and I need my sleep. In a perfect world I need 10hrs to be fully rested, but I settled for 5 last night haha.
Anyway, Chris called to let me know he was up. He said he may be released today and my pizza is here, so I am going to enjoy it! Later!!
Friday morning, I woke to Chris crying out in pain from his side. At first, I thought it was part of my dream, but then I realized it wasn't. I asked Chris what was wrong and he said he was in a lot of pain. I asked him if he needed an ambulance and of course he said no. He "Web MDed" it (LMAO) and "Web MD told him it was kidney stones. I told him he needed to go to the ER like now, but he took some pain killers and said he would be fine until I got home from work at 7pm.
Friday evening I got home and ate my subway. Chris was still sleeping and after I finished my supper, I told him that we were going to the ER now. I got everything the prince needed to occupy his attention; his crayons, paper, DVD player, DVDs, and his phoneme (my iphone). I hope by now, you realize the "prince" is Wes and not Chris lol. Anyway, we went in and Chris was seen in a timely manner. Wes and I waited and waited and finally I got so sick of waiting I went in the back to check on Chris. I expected him to be sitting up because kidney stones aren't that serious, right? Wrong! I go in the back and Chris is connected to all these wires and things are beeping and I am like what is wrong? He told me he had to get a CT scan and that they think since he has a cast on his leg (from his surgery last month), it cause a blood clot and ended up in his lungs. Later it was confirmed that he did in fact have a blood clot. Wes gave him a big hug and so did I. I was really worried about him after that and gave him a hug. I told him I loved him and not to die on me.
I took Wes home around 3am, put him to bed and went to bed myself. I knew I would be up early going to the hospital the next day and I need my sleep. In a perfect world I need 10hrs to be fully rested, but I settled for 5 last night haha.
Anyway, Chris called to let me know he was up. He said he may be released today and my pizza is here, so I am going to enjoy it! Later!!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
More Ramblings
First off, on Sunday I took my progesterone to jump-start my period and since today is Wednesday, I am on Day 4 out of 10. Still no period, but last time my period started 4 days after day 10 ended.
I started writing about my fertility problems because right before this I got a facebook message from my neighbor who needed me to watch her children because she had an OB appt. Now, I am not sure if she is pregnant or she just has like a pap or something, but ugh it tugged at my heart. She has 3 kiddos and her youngest is 1! Seriously, why can't I get just one more! Why are there crack whores, druggies, and dead beat mommas getting prego and I can't!! I am totally not saying that she is one, she is totally cool, but god, come on! Send a baby my way before others who have 3!!
As for my job at the daycare, it surprisingly doesn't bother me about being infertile. I love seeing the babies and toddlers playing in their rooms not to far from mine. I think God brought me to this job though because my afterschoolers TOTALLY curb my want for another baby thinking about what that baby grows up to be. Now, don't get be wrong I want a baby sooo very bad, but the older kids are great especially when they act up, because for a few seconds I don't focus on wanting and not being able to get pregnant. I hate stuff like I just mentioned because then I am all about wanting to be pregnant! It sucks and no one can make you feel better about it unless that someone has magical powers and bam, make you pregnant.
My class was so much better today! I hate being mean, but I guess that is what it took. I tried to be nice and the talking back and sarcasm just kept coming, so today I went in with an attitude. One of my "coloful" students flat out lied to my face 2x and so she wrote the rule she broke 5x. I think by the end of the week, I am going to have a whole drawer full of her rule writing. Today was a much better day than yesterday!
Well, I don't really feel like writing anymore because my house is a freaking mess and I need to clean it!
I started writing about my fertility problems because right before this I got a facebook message from my neighbor who needed me to watch her children because she had an OB appt. Now, I am not sure if she is pregnant or she just has like a pap or something, but ugh it tugged at my heart. She has 3 kiddos and her youngest is 1! Seriously, why can't I get just one more! Why are there crack whores, druggies, and dead beat mommas getting prego and I can't!! I am totally not saying that she is one, she is totally cool, but god, come on! Send a baby my way before others who have 3!!
As for my job at the daycare, it surprisingly doesn't bother me about being infertile. I love seeing the babies and toddlers playing in their rooms not to far from mine. I think God brought me to this job though because my afterschoolers TOTALLY curb my want for another baby thinking about what that baby grows up to be. Now, don't get be wrong I want a baby sooo very bad, but the older kids are great especially when they act up, because for a few seconds I don't focus on wanting and not being able to get pregnant. I hate stuff like I just mentioned because then I am all about wanting to be pregnant! It sucks and no one can make you feel better about it unless that someone has magical powers and bam, make you pregnant.
My class was so much better today! I hate being mean, but I guess that is what it took. I tried to be nice and the talking back and sarcasm just kept coming, so today I went in with an attitude. One of my "coloful" students flat out lied to my face 2x and so she wrote the rule she broke 5x. I think by the end of the week, I am going to have a whole drawer full of her rule writing. Today was a much better day than yesterday!
Well, I don't really feel like writing anymore because my house is a freaking mess and I need to clean it!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Ramblings of an Infertile
First and foremost, I have some news!! I am now an EMPLOYED, working mommy!! I LOVE my job!! I think it is the best job I could possibly get, being it is literally down the hall from Wes! I got hired as the after-school teacher for a daycare on the Westside. I have my own class!! It is a perfect starting point for where I want to end up! I think when Chris gets out of the Army next year, I want to open a daycare when we move back home. I want to be able to raise my children with me, all the while making money to support us. Anyway, Wes doesn't start this month because Chris is on con leave from his surgery last month, so Wes and Chris stay home while I work from 12 to 6:30pm. I usually get home by 6:55pm or 7pm. So, not bad at all. Wes will start going with me in January. They serve supper there at 5:15pm, so I will not have to cook all week! It really is totally awesome! Wes and I will be fed and I will have to buy easy things for Chris to make for himself. I love it! Chris was so excited that I got a job, so I can take over my car payment and have some extra cash, but when he heard that he wasn't so thrilled lmao!
I have also realized that working moms have it so much harder than SAHM! Seriously, I work a full day on my feet and then have to come home and soak up as much time with my son, being the best mommy I can be, all while holding back the fatigue. It's a little tough, but I will get the hang of it. I used to be mad when Chris would tell me that I have it easy and I can sleep whenever I wanted and I have realized that is totally true. I would have never taken this job if Wes wouldn't be taken care of properly. It is amazing, all I do to peek on him is reach my head through my door and there he is! The best part is that I get 50% off Wes's tuition so I will be making enough to cover that, my $400 dollar car payment, and have 200 dollars left for gas, since it is the west side. At first Chris didn't see the positive and did not want me to take it, but then I was like ummmm hello, I will be paying the car payment!! That is awesome enough!
About my struggles to conceive a second miracle: So, I am on cycle day 34! Wow, that is a long cycle you say, right? Um, yes it is because it should have ended on day 32, but here I sit typing away and I am NOT bleeding like a MOFO, nor am I KNOCKED UP! So frustrating!!! Seriously, I would rather my period just come and mourn that I am not pregnant that month, than my body trick me to thinking that I am. It kills me every time to test and see that one, fucking, big line NOT followed by another one!! November marked 1 year since we have been trying for a second baby and you know how much that FUCKING sucks! Well, yes some of you obviously do, but still. I told my mom that I haven't started, no BFP, and so I would have to buy a bottle of wine and drink my sorrows away, and taking my progesterone to jump-start the bloody bitch. She was like "no Jena! you could still be pregnant, wait a week, I knew a girl who was 6 months and she had just found out cause none of the tests would show a pos!" She also added that I was a drunk if I drank. Oh dear mommy! Now, I love my mother and I am praying for the best possible news that she will receive on Monday because I CANNOT live without the women (another story, another day), but really? I hold onto that hope EVERY month and look at where it has gotten me. Always holding onto hope every time I am late and it is heartbreaking, it sucks, and it's exhausting. Why couldn't I be that girl popping out 5 kids by 25! Seriously!
I will listen to my doc because he promised me I would be prego by January, so he has until then. If he fails, I am putting myself on soy. I know clomid is good too, but 85% of women get pregnant on their first month with it. Now, I am hoping I won't be out of my 2 months left of clomid and have to try it out, but always have plan B! <-NOT the "back-up" birth control that kills babies!
Anyway, I am not sure if I will wait till Thursday to start my Progesterone because if I do, I will have lost the whole month of December of TTC.
I found myself debating when we move to just give Wes's baby clothes away. At the rate I am going, it is likely I will never have another baby. I just feel deep down that our family is not complete yet. Come on Jesus send me a sign! I'll be going to Mass tomorrow and I would really love a sign because I am feeling like their isn't any hope left!!
Oh! and whoever said that TTC is soo fun is sooooo WRONG! It is not fun! It wears me the hell out, by the end of the month I am exhausted and hate sex.
Till tomorrow!
I have also realized that working moms have it so much harder than SAHM! Seriously, I work a full day on my feet and then have to come home and soak up as much time with my son, being the best mommy I can be, all while holding back the fatigue. It's a little tough, but I will get the hang of it. I used to be mad when Chris would tell me that I have it easy and I can sleep whenever I wanted and I have realized that is totally true. I would have never taken this job if Wes wouldn't be taken care of properly. It is amazing, all I do to peek on him is reach my head through my door and there he is! The best part is that I get 50% off Wes's tuition so I will be making enough to cover that, my $400 dollar car payment, and have 200 dollars left for gas, since it is the west side. At first Chris didn't see the positive and did not want me to take it, but then I was like ummmm hello, I will be paying the car payment!! That is awesome enough!
About my struggles to conceive a second miracle: So, I am on cycle day 34! Wow, that is a long cycle you say, right? Um, yes it is because it should have ended on day 32, but here I sit typing away and I am NOT bleeding like a MOFO, nor am I KNOCKED UP! So frustrating!!! Seriously, I would rather my period just come and mourn that I am not pregnant that month, than my body trick me to thinking that I am. It kills me every time to test and see that one, fucking, big line NOT followed by another one!! November marked 1 year since we have been trying for a second baby and you know how much that FUCKING sucks! Well, yes some of you obviously do, but still. I told my mom that I haven't started, no BFP, and so I would have to buy a bottle of wine and drink my sorrows away, and taking my progesterone to jump-start the bloody bitch. She was like "no Jena! you could still be pregnant, wait a week, I knew a girl who was 6 months and she had just found out cause none of the tests would show a pos!" She also added that I was a drunk if I drank. Oh dear mommy! Now, I love my mother and I am praying for the best possible news that she will receive on Monday because I CANNOT live without the women (another story, another day), but really? I hold onto that hope EVERY month and look at where it has gotten me. Always holding onto hope every time I am late and it is heartbreaking, it sucks, and it's exhausting. Why couldn't I be that girl popping out 5 kids by 25! Seriously!
I will listen to my doc because he promised me I would be prego by January, so he has until then. If he fails, I am putting myself on soy. I know clomid is good too, but 85% of women get pregnant on their first month with it. Now, I am hoping I won't be out of my 2 months left of clomid and have to try it out, but always have plan B! <-NOT the "back-up" birth control that kills babies!
Anyway, I am not sure if I will wait till Thursday to start my Progesterone because if I do, I will have lost the whole month of December of TTC.
I found myself debating when we move to just give Wes's baby clothes away. At the rate I am going, it is likely I will never have another baby. I just feel deep down that our family is not complete yet. Come on Jesus send me a sign! I'll be going to Mass tomorrow and I would really love a sign because I am feeling like their isn't any hope left!!
Oh! and whoever said that TTC is soo fun is sooooo WRONG! It is not fun! It wears me the hell out, by the end of the month I am exhausted and hate sex.
Till tomorrow!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Looking Ahead
We have been so lazy the last couple of days! We celebrated Thanksgiving at my aunt's house and it was great! The only thing I wish was that I would have bought a turkey so we could have plenty of leftovers! I was feeling lazy so I never bought one and my mouth is just watering for some turkey! ahh!
Chris is still recovering from surgery and it sucks! Not for him but for me. I don't have a problem catering to him it just sucks having no help and it's not his fault. He cannot put any pressure on his foot because if he messes it up they will have to go in and fix it again; if they can't, they will have to amputate the toe. I think it's more work now than when he was deployed. I have to make sure he has everything he needs, do everything with Wes, the dog, the cats, and the house. Tomorrow I start my English class back so I will be adding that in the mix. I just cannot wait until he is better!
Earlier this week, I had inquired about some jobs on Craigslist for Daycare workers. I got an email and sent the director my resume. This job would be amazing to get because Wes would be able to get some kid interaction everyday and I wouldn't feel like I was ditching him because I would be in the same place. I also realized that if I am serious about my future career as an educator I need to get a job that is partially linked with what I wanna do after I graduate. I have only have one job:chick-fil-a at 15 for 2 1/2 years and then I moved with Chris to Texas. We decided to have a baby and I wasn't going to work and go to school. I would never see Wes, so I have never had another job. I do not regret the time that I have stayed home with Wes! I have thoroughly enjoyed myself. Looking at my resume, I know that if I want a job as a teacher, I will need to get some "working" experience instead of just "volunteer" experience. My ultimate goal before graduating would be to be a daycare teacher to 3 or 4 year olds. I have my teacher aide career diploma, but ultimately I need my bachelor's to work as a kindergarten teacher, which is what I want to do. Snagging this job would allow me to have an advantage over girls in Alabama who work as daycare teachers, but only have their HS diploma. There are so many openings there that I am just so excited!! Anyway, crossing my fingers to get a call back.
Chris is still recovering from surgery and it sucks! Not for him but for me. I don't have a problem catering to him it just sucks having no help and it's not his fault. He cannot put any pressure on his foot because if he messes it up they will have to go in and fix it again; if they can't, they will have to amputate the toe. I think it's more work now than when he was deployed. I have to make sure he has everything he needs, do everything with Wes, the dog, the cats, and the house. Tomorrow I start my English class back so I will be adding that in the mix. I just cannot wait until he is better!
Earlier this week, I had inquired about some jobs on Craigslist for Daycare workers. I got an email and sent the director my resume. This job would be amazing to get because Wes would be able to get some kid interaction everyday and I wouldn't feel like I was ditching him because I would be in the same place. I also realized that if I am serious about my future career as an educator I need to get a job that is partially linked with what I wanna do after I graduate. I have only have one job:chick-fil-a at 15 for 2 1/2 years and then I moved with Chris to Texas. We decided to have a baby and I wasn't going to work and go to school. I would never see Wes, so I have never had another job. I do not regret the time that I have stayed home with Wes! I have thoroughly enjoyed myself. Looking at my resume, I know that if I want a job as a teacher, I will need to get some "working" experience instead of just "volunteer" experience. My ultimate goal before graduating would be to be a daycare teacher to 3 or 4 year olds. I have my teacher aide career diploma, but ultimately I need my bachelor's to work as a kindergarten teacher, which is what I want to do. Snagging this job would allow me to have an advantage over girls in Alabama who work as daycare teachers, but only have their HS diploma. There are so many openings there that I am just so excited!! Anyway, crossing my fingers to get a call back.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Today just plain sucks!
Today I am feeling hopeless, mentally exhausted, and sad=( I realized today, one year ago, Chris was on R&R and we started trying for another baby. Well as you all know, I still don't have a second child and it sucks. I keep thinking back and thinking that I waited to long, we should have stuck with our original plan and TTC when Wes turned one even though Chris was about to leave for deployment. Maybe if we had, I would have two babies running around. I haven't started my period, but I just feel like I will. I don't have symptoms of my period, but after so long I just think all my "symptoms" are in my head. Chris isn't worried and says it will happen when it happens, but will it? What is so wrong with me that I can't get pregnant like I did with Wes. I have so many questions especially for God. Ughhh! I want my BFP, but how long will I have to wait? My fertility doctor said he was hopeful that I would be pregnant within 3 months and I went to him in October. If this isn't my month then I only have 1 more until the 3 months he gave me. Today just plain sucks!
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