I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance

So, Aunt Flow paid me a visit yesterday. I was bummed at first, but then I realized that hey, at least my period is actually making an appearance. The past few months Aunt Flow hasn't even bothered to make a visit every month. So first, I should look at that as a complete blessing and I am. For those that are like, what? She's sad her period showed up? I was sad because we have made the decision to add to our family.

The plan was (the plan was determined when Wes was an infant) to start trying for a baby when Wes turned 18 months. Well, of course plans change and in our case the Army changed up our plans. Chris was not supposed to deploy until 2011 because the unit that he was assigned to had just gotten back from a 15 month deployment, so I was not worried at all. At that time, it was middle of March 2009 and Wes was not even a year old yet. A few months later, I think around October 2009, Chris came home with some news. He was going to be deployed with another unit because they needed more numbers and he hadn't been deployed yet. His unit had just gotten back, so obviously he would be the first choice to be picked. I was devastated to say the least. You hear "deployment" and your heart just stops beating for a second. I was scared especially since there was word he would be sent to Afghan. I knew that wasn't a good place, so I was definitely worried.

My second thought in all of this was how were we going to go about adding to our family? I had already practically gone through a pregnancy, labor, and the first 6 months without my husband (thanks to the Army once again lol), so repeating that adventure was not really on my list of things to do. Wes was 11 months when we decided to hold off for babies until he came back. I was sad, but I knew that it was the best thing.

Fast-forward to November 2010, Chris was home on R&R. We planned to try then because he would not miss much of my pregnancy if I were to get pregnant then. He was coming back in a couple months for good and nothing monumental would have happened with a pregnancy yet. I unfortunately did not ovulate on R&R & I did not conceive.

Fast-forward to February 2011, a few days before Chris came home I ovulated and when he finally did come home, I started my period a few days later. Total bummer, but I wasn't worried because now he would actually be home and we could start seriously trying.

March 2011, came and went, so did Aunt Flow. I think by the time March came I was a little worried and wondering why it was not happening.

Then, April comes with NO period, at first I thought I was pregnant, but many tests confirmed that to be a BFN! May also came with no period and finally June, also with no period! I was extremely peeved and also worried about what was going on with my body. I did not see a doctor, but started working out with my sister while I was in Alabama. A few weeks later after I started working-out, my period finally comes back! I was so SO so excited to see Aunt Flow. Finally, I could start trying and possibly get pregnant soon. My only problem was I would be stuck in Alabama until late August with no sperm lol. Chris was back in Texas.

Finally, September came and I was so excited because finally things were back on track. Well, THE week I was fertile & ovulating, I get a frickin' yeast infection! Just my damn luck! We had sex once that week towards the end of my meds, but I was pretty sure nothing was gonna happen.

That brings us to today! I am officially counting this month as the first month of trying because we are together and will be able to try and my periods are now back on track. Very thankful for that! This will be the last time we will be able to try because Chris will have training next month out of state and he will be missing my ovulation, so if I am not pregnant next month, we will have November and December, then January he is gone again with more training (yay, Army!).

I am definitely NOT worried, the past 2 weeks I feel like I am closer to God with going to mass and actually soaking up what the priest has to say. I told God that I trust in him and believe that when he thinks I am ready to be blessed with another little miracle that he will send them our way. I used to be envious and want to be pregnant so bad that I did not wanna hear people complain about it and hear their crap. Now, I feel like I can be happy for them and still want a baby myself. I know when they complain about morning sickness, backaches, etc, that I will still be thinking that I would give anything to be feeling that way; with a life growing inside of me. But, I'll wait my turn, until it's our turn to dance.

A Side of Discipline

So, as a parent, I think we never stop learning, especially when it comes to how we raise our kids. No newborn ever came with a booklet, so essentially we learn as we go. Yes, you can read and research about anything before your child is born, but ultimately you don't know what will work until your child comes into this world and "game on."

I was just reading a few articles on certain forms of discipline. I read one article about why you shouldn't yell at your kids and I think this was an excellent point. This point stated that if your boss where to yell at you everyday, would you respect them more? My answer would be no and I would probably tune them out the more they yelled. So, I am thinking this is why when I do raise my voice with Wes, he doesn't really listen to me.

There was another I read about spanking, and yes spanking is such a controversial topic, but they made good points. It sends a strong message to kids and suggest to them that when we are angry, we hit. I have seen this play out with Wes when I spanked him often. After reading, these articles, I am mainly going to stick with my time-out, but of course if Wes were to do something dangerous I'll do a small spank. I have pretty much thought this was the case and am glad I found some articles to back my thinking up.

Some will say that they were spanked when they were young and they turned out just fine, but did they really? When they get mad, is the first thing they think to do is take their anger out on something or someone. OR, maybe they are a little timid from fear of breaking the rules? I used to think it had no effect on me, but I was wrong. I was spanked and I am not saying what my parents did was wrong because that was the acceptable way of punishment back then. I do know that I am extremely timid and I hate breaking the rules, which could be a good thing, but sometimes it's boring!

Fluffy, Circumcison, Lessons Learned && 9-1-1

So, it's only been 3 days, but I have so much to say!

First off, on Saturday, I went to my first "fluffy party", it was definitely tons of fun! For those of you who don't know, fluffy is cloth diapers. I know some people have been reading my posts for the last 8 months and thinking, "what? she washes diapers?" Yeah I was washing my cloth diapers lol. Although I started cloth diapering "late in the game" so to speak (Wes was 2 years&&2 months old), I am totally sold on the idea and plan to cloth diaper with the rest of my children! I also plan to use cloth wipes just as soon as I am done using my pampers wipes that I have. I am so pumped about this! I am working on potty training with Wes, but I am definitely not stressing because of the fact I love my fluff lol & he will pick up potty training sooner or later. No one ever went to school with a diaper! I also met a lot of cool mommies that were extremely educated in "natural parenting". I cannot wait for the next fluffy party!

I also want to blab that I am so irritated with hearing that circumcision is mutilating children, which is essentially saying I mutilated my child because I MADE the decision to circumcise MY child. Yes, that's right MY child. I don't care what other parents do with their children unless their mentally or physically harming their child. Yes, I know that some of the frootloops will say "well your abusing your kid by "altering" him". I say that is in no way harming my child. It is choosing to have a medical procedure done to make his life as a male a better one (<----MY OPINION!). I will admit that I was 18 and did not think twice about not having it done. My husband wanted it done and I agreed with it. Now, I am more educated about the fact and would choose to have it done with another son in a heartbeat. Not a second thought about it. I do not harass and belittle others decisions for keeping their son intact, so I would like it if my choice was also respected. Seriously, I don't go around meeting other mommies and find out that their son's aren't circumcised, and think "OMG, that is horrible! ewwww!"  I am like ok and go on with my day and eventually go on with my life. If I was discussing with someone about circumcision and told them my son was circumcised then I would expect them to act the same way, as stated above, whether they are for or against it. Just let me state, I am neither for or against circumcision, I would just choose to have all my sons circumcised. That has never been the topic of discussion anyway, and if that's one of the first things you talk with someone about then run far, FAR away! I am passionate about how I raise MY child and I don't go around judging what others choose to do with their children.  There was a comparison that highly irritated me comparing the choice of being circumcised to the choice of being able to murder. UM NO! How the heck is that even comparable? I have no words because it is not! Please just stick with what you do and I will stick with what I do. Lastly, presenting information about circumcision or not circumcising is just honky dory! When you start to belittle and make a person feel that you are telling them what they did with their child is wrong and I urge anyone who ever feels like this to walk away! I for one could not walk away because the frootloop was in the car with me & she was pregnant, so I would have felt so bad! Especially since I already feel bad for the child; no, I am totally kidding, but I chose to remain quiet while I was cursing her in my head lol! BTW, I am calling "frootloops" the people who try to make my decision to circumcise my child seem wrong, NOT the people who choose to not circumcise their child.

I am a time-out using-sometimes the situation calls for a spanking-cloth diapering-recycling-co-bedding-sometimes he can sleep in his own bed-believes in breast feeding, but if you can't formula is JUST fine-bribes with ice-cream-a little fast-food won't kill him-let's him get messy, it's what boys do- go ahead, run around barefoot all you want- celebrates when he's finally asleep, but instantly misses his laughter- wants to get every little moment on camera-sometimes looks at a mess and thinks "I'll clean it later"-television won't kill his brain cells- has to have his clothes matching- watches him when he sleeps- paci using-momma. (If I think of more later, I'll add them)

Finally I get to today! The 10 year anniversary of 9-1-1, the single most disastrous terror attack that the United States of America, which killed thousands and brought a country to its knees, has ever seen. For the first time in a LONG time, I went to bed at a decent hour; I think it was either 8 or 9. I did not set an alarm of any kind, just planned to go with the flow of whenever I woke up. I opened my eyes this morning and was not in any way going back to sleep, my body was just not gonna let me. Totally weird because sleep always has my name written all over it! I looked at the clock and it was 9am! Double shocker because I never wake-up this early. Just before anyone is like, but she has a baby! Yes, I have a baby, but my baby is amazing in a way that he sleeps in every day until 10am! It's awesome! Yes, he does go to bed almost always before 10pm. Anyway, I'm like I am totally going to Mass. So I get ready and Chris of course "isn't feeling well", so he goes in the living to take some medicine ie playing his XBOX lmao and I get Wes up and head out the door. I know I have been slacking on getting us to church because one, I miss my childhood church in Alabama. I know that's no excuse, but I feel like I will be cheating on them if I get super involved in this church like I was the one back home. Yes, I know strange, but I love that church! I did attend it for 17 years, and 3 off and on since I lived in Texas. When Wes was baptized, Chris and I made a promise to raise him in the church, which the responsibly falls mainly on me since I'm the Catholic here and I should be the example for Wes in his faith. After today, no excuses I will be in mass every Sunday and then some come hell or high water. Anyway, after that long  description; we get to Mass and the readings are being read. They were geared for 9-1-1, but I felt that they were also plausible for another situation in my life. This is where God got my attention:

The priest was going on in his homily about how God forgives us and accepts us in to his kingdom, but then he stated that how can God accept us when we harbor anger, hatred, and vengeance. How could God accept us in the kingdom of heaven; being merciful and forgiving of our sins, yet we couldn't let go and forgive our neighbors that have done sins against us.


"Sirach 27:30-28:7. Anger and wrath, these are abominations, and the sinful man will possess them. He that takes vengeance will suffer vengeance from the Lord, and he will firmly establish his sins. Forgive your neighbor the wrong he has done, and then your sins will be pardoned when you pray. Does a man harbor anger against another, and yet seek for healing from the Lord? Does he have no mercy toward a man like himself, and yet pray for his own sins? If he himself, being flesh, maintains wrath, who will make expiation for his sins? Remember the end of your life, and cease from enmity, remember destruction and death, and be true to the commandments. Remember the commandments, and do not be angry with your neighbor; remember the covenant of the Most High, and overlook ignorance."

I realized today that although so much has been done to me and yes, I did hold anger and vengeance and wish hateful things, that I cannot live like that. If I want God to forgive my sins, I have to forgive others that have done wrong against me. I am going to try my absolute hardest, but it will be a long road and I will struggle because oh my gosh I can hold a damn good grudge, but I will succeed because I have God helping me!


This passage also got my attention and help me to understand that no matter how many times we have been wronged, we must always forgive. In my case, these 2 people who recently wronged are not asking forgiveness, but in my heart, I am working on forgiving them. I know it is not something that will happen over night, but it will happen.


"Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter approaching asked him, "Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus answered, "I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times."

So from this day forward, I am going to try my darnedest to forgive whatever trials and tribulations come my way and even past ones. I will TRY to not speak bad of these people.




Lastly, the priest also made a fabulous point today! The saying, "We forgive, but we will never forget." He stated something like, more like I will not forgive and I will forever harbor vengeance and hatefulness in my heart. Of course, yes I did not suffer a direct loss on this tragic day, but just food for thought. (Of course these readings were meant for today on 9-1-1).

September 11, 2001

Let us never forgot the individuals who lost 

their lives on this horrific day 10 years ago

 I was 10 years old, the only thing that was supposed to happen was my 11th birthday on the 25th, instead a day that changed a nation. I was sitting in Ms Randall's Art Class when an announcement came over the intercom. She turned the tv on and we saw planes crashing into 2 tall buildings. I did not understand what was going on, only when I got home that afternoon did my parents explain to me what did. I don't think I got the full effect of everything until I was a couple of years older, the only thing I did understand was that it was something truly horrifying.

This blog jumps everywhere but hey, that's just me(:

Someone is Wishing that this was Happening to Them

Today was nothing special. An ordinary day consisting of half asleep meal preps, silly games, and giggles with my little prince. I washed diapers, picked up the house a bit, and even manged to do a load of laundry. It was not until this evening that I read a blog that broke my heart.

My friend Kim posted a link about mattress wrapping and the lady who wrote it lost a child a few months ago to SIDS. I went back through and read the blog entry stating that she had lost her daughter. It broke my heart. I HATE hearing about loss, whether it be during pregnancy, infant, child, etc. I hate hearing about it. It made me turn my attention to my 2 year old climbing and dragging his soggy crackers all over my semi-new couch. At that moment, the future mess I would evidently have to clean up did not matter to me. The look of my couch did not matter. He was having so much fun, sitting, and chatting anyway; not a worry in the world. My heart swelled and then I felt sadness. This lady could no longer watch her child and swell with pride as she watched her daughter live life. My heart ached for her.

These tragic events that happen always remind me how lucky and blessed I am to have a happy, healthy, lively little boy. Yes, sometimes I do take him for granted, but who doesn't and everyone has, whether they admit it or not. I am going to try and always remind myself that when I am screaming in my head that I want more sleep, irritated about the constant screams of hearing "MOMMY I WANT...", a wrecked house complete with toys happily strewn everywhere, a toilet clogged with blocks, sofas strewn with soggy cracker fingers, or walking around the corner to find my lipstick, which has been transformed into a paint brush on my white walls, I will remember that somewhere, someone is wishing that this was happening to them.

Thank you God for sending me a piece of my heart.

Wes in Montevallo, AL playing in the creek.

He is 2 years&&8months old here.

The last few months. . .

It has been a while since I last blogged, I need to update on my life!


I am back from my 2 month vacation in Alabama and boy was it nice! Chris had block leave from June 6th- June 27th and I decided to stay a bit longer to get some extra time with family. How I miss it!


While I was in Alabama, I became aware of my Facebook friends posts, especially in El Paso, updating their status about cleaning and all that jazz. There were some "House it spotless, feeding the kids, putting them in bed, then I am going to bed." or "Cleaning the house" or "Cooking, cleaning, then showering" I hope by this point you get the picture. I read these and thought "BORING!" My next thought was, do I really sound that boring when I update? Do I sound like I have no life? Well, that's exactly what I thought when I read these status updates and I still think that when I read them now. Seriously, do these women have nothing better to update then this? Geez, I am thinking these poor girls! They have no life. I hope I never sound like that or turn into that. I know I'm not the only one who reads my newsfeed and when one of those status updates apear, SKIP, lol.

I love being a SAHM! I love being able to watch my son grow-up right under my nose and being with him. I am so thankful I get that opportunity. I just hope and pray that I never become one of those women who have no lives or hobbies. I hope I never become one of those women who update as stated above. I am an individual other than a mommy. Mommy is my favorite role though(;

I started my third class at GCU and I am NOT enjoying it. I just finished my 1st week and I had to literally get my ass in gear to start and finish my work. It's English and I thought I loved English until English Composition came into my life. So NOT looking forward to another 6 weeks. At the pace I am on with school, I will be graduating in 2015, but after this class if my grades are well enough then I can double up and graduate in 2013/2014. I would much rather be graduating then.

Wes is growing up! He is such a little boy now. He's tall and so very handsome. He says new words all the time and some I didn't even knew that he knew! He says big words like "seriously" and "ridiculous" extremely clear. I am so proud! I think that everything I will do in life, he will be my greatest achievement and accomplishment. With growing up, comes a bigger attitude. There is never a dull moment with Wes around, that's for sure! His kisses and hugs brighten my day! Don't get me wrong we have our mommy-just-wants-to-pull-out-her-hair-and-burn-it-moments and I've already had the "I hate you" thrown my way. I survived with a few tears and then I got a huge hug and Wes telling me how sorry he is.THE cutest thing, as cute as you can be after you say that.

Chris and I want to add to our family and give Wes a sibling! I cannot wait until that day comes. My period came back after being M.I.A for 5 months so I am extremely excited! Hopefully we will not have to wait long for our little one to come along.

That's all I got for now! God Bless<3

Just Some Rambleingsss

The past month I have been soaking up the good 'ol southern  life in Alabaster. I love it here. It's my where a part of heart will always be, it's home!

I am enjoying being with my family and letting them in on a part of Wes growing up. Let's face it, when you have kids it's all about them(: I also FINALLY started my period after 68 freaking days! I am soooo happy! I was afraid something was wrong with me.I have also been going to the gym religiously (this starts my 3rd week) and I think maybe that is what jump started my period. Whatever it was I am just happy it worked.

Also, I am so proud to say that I finally got my ass in gear and its totally paying off! This marks my 3rd week and I couldn't be happier. I feel amazing. I want to be in the best possible shape especially if we want to have another little one.

Anyway, I am pretty much done trying with one friend. We have been close for a while, but she thinks she can just ignore my texts and expect me to answer hers and everything still be fucking peachy. Well it's not and I am extremely irritated and I don't have time for it.



Last night I had one of those emotional "mommy moments." I was watching Wes being his same ol' little cute self and I wanted to cry! He is growing way to fast, no really I am not just being cliche. He will now refuse my kisses and speaks even better. He told me "Don't kiss me mommy, ew." He sometimes refuses to give me hugs and I know it's just him being stubborn, but it breaks my heart especially when I am having a moment. I watch him and am just so amazed how smart he is and just the little person he has become. He is so sweet, tender, shy, loving, but he also has his moments and I just love it all. It is so funny to hear some one the stuff that comes out of his mouth. I am like where did you learn that. I am so proud of him! One thing he tells me that absolutely melts my heart "I love you so much mommy!" Aww I want to cry! He is 2 years & 8 months old. I want to zap him back to 6 months. I want my baby to be a baby again. I do have my moments where I wanna pull my hair out, but all those moments I'd never trade for anything. My baby boy is alive, healthy, and I couldn't be more blessed. I thank god he sent me Wes. Wes will always be my greatest achievement. When I leave this world, at least I know I will leaving a little boy who I have raised in God's light. I pray that Wes will be close to me when he is older and that he never forgets how much I have done for him. I know a women who's kids are so mean to her and don't see her anymore. I pray that will never be me. It would break my heart. I love you Wes Allen and everything I do in life is for you(: You will always be my baby.

Wes Allen Evanko

Yes, my baby is 2 years and 7 months old, but it's never to late to tell a birth story. I've always wanted to write it, but I would just put it on the back burner and forget about it; then never write it (obviously). But today is that day!


My due date was Friday, November 7th, 2008 with our precious little boy, who we would name Wes Allen Evanko. We didn't pick any names for any special meaning or even after a family  member or anything like that. We picked his first name because we loved it and his second because it sounded nice together.


We were staying with my Aunt Lori and my Uncle Jessie; along with my mother and sister because I was moving back to Alabama to live with my mother and sister to save money and finish out the school year in order to graduate with my class. We had just moved out of our apartment at Whispering Pines in El Paso. I had not even picked out any boy names because I was dead set on the baby being a girl. Boy was I wrong! After we came back from the doctor we started brainstorming, as we pulled up my mother is standing there with the biggest smile saying "I told you it was a boy!." Chris and I went inside and somehow ended up in my aunt's bathroom and I said how about Wes? All the other names I had picked out he hated. Chris is an extremely picky person haha. He thought the name over for a little bit and I could tell he didn't absolutely hate it because he didn't make "the face" and say a curse word lol. He said you only wanna name him that because you liked the guy I played football with in HS. No, that was not the reason and the guy's name was Wesley not Wes. I have always liked the name Wesley, but never for me to go and name my kids that. I got it from my mother who said if she ever had a boy his name would be John Wesley Owens, so I guess the liking stuck? Maybe, I'm not sure really. Anyway, Chris liked the name Wes, not Wesley we both agreed we did not want our son to be named Wesley. It just did not fit him or us. I said okay now that we have his first name, pick out his middle name. We went through quite a few and finally settled on Allen. It was perfect, it flowed very well with Wes and I couldn't have liked it better. So, there is was our future child's name! Wes Allen Evanko. I just (like right now) looked up the meanings of his names and they are quite interesting.

Wes
The West Meadow
	Gender: Male Origin: German

Allen
Fair, Handsome
	Gender: Male Origin: Celtic/Gaelic

He definitely fills out his name.

Thursday, October 31, 2008, I went to my OB, Dr. Sharp for my 39 week check up, who told me baby was doing fantastic and that I was 1 cm dilated. We also talked about the fact that I may be growing a biggin' in there. I wasn't really worried at the time. We talked about scheduling an induction for the Tuesday, November 4th, 2008. 

I called Chris, who was already in Texas at Fort Bliss for his Advanced Individual Training. He was not happy because he would not be allowed to come home until Friday after his last test. He was still in AIT, so he wasn't entitled to the standard 10 days of paternity leave that regular soldiers would get. He told me to try to get induced later, so I called my doctor and asked to be induced on Friday. Well his nurses called back and said that he already had a few scheduled that day and was booked. So, I decided that I was okay with being induced on Thursday, November 6th, 2008 at 5:00am. That way, it would give Chris time to fly in the next morning and it meant he probably wouldn't miss the birth! I was kind of irritated with Chris not really getting the fact that babies don't decide to come out just whenever, but now that I look back on it, I realize that he just wanted to see his first child come into this world. I hadn't missed school all week, I went Monday and Tuesday, but didn't attend Wednesday since I would be getting induced on Thursday and figured I needed time to get things in order and comprehended what was really about to happen; becoming a mother! I never had any braxton-hicks contractions and my pregnancy was amazing! I did not have any complications the only thing I'd complain about was all my swelling! I retained water that none other, which in turn made me gain around 65lbs through-out my pregnancy.

At around 11:15pm on Wednesday, November 5th, 2008 I laid down to go to bed. Right as I pulled the covers up over my shoulders I had the sharpest pain I had ever felt in my life. It wrapped around my whole lower back and below my big pregnant belly. There was no doubt in my mind that I was in labor. I compare contractions to period cramps x 100. It's like all those months of  not having a period have finally caught up with you.

I got back out of bed turned on the light and yelled for my mother down the hall. I told her that I'm having contractions and I need to get to the doctor. Well, my mother told me to go back to sleep that there was no way I was in labor (coming from a women who never went in to labor or had contractions and had 2 cesareans). I got a little angry because I was in pain and here is my mother trying to sleep soundly in her bed with no pain. She finally got the drift and I woke my sister up and we all three got into the car. I told my mom to call my doctor because I was in no way in any state to talk on the phone. She PARKS in the drive-way and calls. I told her she needed to DRIVE and drive fast! She got the picture and we headed to Birmingham to St. Vincent's Hospital 30 miles from Alabaster. We do have Shelby Baptist in Alabaster, but no way in hell was I giving birth at that place! 

It was the slowest drive of my life! I don't know what was going through my mother' head, but she decided to take the scenic route! Yes, the scenic route! So here we go, hitting all the red lights in Birmingham that is possible. We stop at this one light close to UAB and this freaky guy comes out of now where and looks like he is coming up to our window! I yell at my mom to just go it was midnight and no one was on the street. She was like what if I get a ticket? I said your not gonna get a ticket just go mom. I was highly irritated by this point. On the way my sister called Chris and my mom called my in laws. Chris wanted to talk to me and said a few encouraging words that meant the world to me since he wasn't able to fly in until Friday.

We FIANLLY get to St. Vincent's and we go up to L&D, walk up to the nurse's station. They were so nice and asked if I needed a wheel chair because of my contractions. I declined and then when I was walking, what seemed like a never ending hall, I asked myself what the hell I was thinking when I said no. I got to my room and the nurse gave me a gown and I went to the bathroom to change, then I felt like I had to poop so I sat on the toliet, no poop, but the contractions kept giving me the urge lol. I got in my bed and got my IV and all that good stuff. I think my next decision was made because I was young and if I had done more research I would have opted for a natural birth (no drugs). I chose to have an epidural. I don't regret it, just a decision I won't make again. I think because I was so upset that Chris would not be able to be there played a part also. So, I got my epiduaral around 1am Thursday, November 6th, 2008. After that I got some amazing sleep! I woke up around maybe 9am the next morning and was totally feeling the urge to push. I told my nurse and so I started pushing and pushed for hours. Wes came down and they saw his hair and that is about as far down as he was coming. He got stuck and every time I pushed his heart rate dropped so I had to get some oxygen. My doctor came in and said that after 3 1/2hours of pushing that he was not gonna come out and that it would be safer to get a c-section. I agreed and so they made arrangements in one of the operating rooms. The doctor went to page the OR and accidentally pressed code blue! I was thinking and this guy is about to cut me open? God help me! Well then the nurses and doctors did not know exactly when I should get my c-section, I was thinking I would like to have it now! As soon as I had stopped pushing, I got chills and started shaking and it hurt so bad because my body was still trying to push Wes out and he was stuck. I remember thinking I did not care what happened to the baby I just wanted it out! Of course I did not mean it, I was just in so much pain that I was thinking not-so-good-thoughts. I regretted it the moment I thought it and to this day am ashamed.

I was prepped for surgery they rolled me in the OR. My mom had to wait outside until they prepped everything else. I remember being rolled in and it was so surreal. It was scary, with the lights and seeing all the instruments they would be using on me. I was SCARED! It was like Grey's Anatomy x1000! They fianlly let my mom come in and she held my hand. I could hear the doctors talking about plans for that night (really your cutting me open, talk about the baby or something lol) and I was like WTF! Anyway, my mom peered over the tarp and was about to open her mouth when I told her not to look and don't say anything! I had watched all those baby stories on TLC and I knew what was going on behind that curtain.

My biggest fear was feeling them cut me open.Well I didn't fell it, just them tugging at my stomach and then I felt them try to turn and twist Wes because he obviously had gotten stuck and his head was not coming out of my vagina so there was some tugging and then a great weight lifted. At about the same time the weight was lifted I heard both doctors exclaim about Wes being huge and that they were holding a future NFL star. Then I heard the most amazing sound ever, Wes' first cry! It was amazing and I couldn't believe he was finally here! I couldn't wait to see him(: 

They brought him around to me and he was PERFECT! He was crying and had a tint of blue cause he was losing oxygen, but other than that is was fine! Right then I kicked myself (not literally, I was on a operating table) for not having my mom bring in the camera. 

They sewed me up and rolled me back to my room. I faintly remember this because I was so drugged, but I remember waking up to my FIL holding Wes and I told him to give him to me. I was a little pissed off that I hadn't even held Wes and here he is being passed around and already had his diaper changed, actually I was extremely pissed off, I can't lie! I got him and it was absloutly amazing to hold my little boy! I had waited 9 months for him and here he was. 

I couldn't really enjoy holding him because I was so drugged I was really sleepy so my mom had to take him from me:(  They had me on a morphine drip and it did nothing for me! I cried in pain and it was a miserable few hours after I had him. Finally they gave me the "good stuff" Oxycontin<3 It took my pain away and I was finally not doubled over in pain crying all the time. I could enjoy my visitors!

Wes had his newborn pics done and my mom surprised me by paying for them and buying me a locket with his picture in it.

Finally on Friday Chris walked through the door and I couldn't have been any happier, it had been 4 months since Chris had last saw me! I was so excited to show him our baby! The smile he wore was priceless. I knew he had fallen in love with Wes just as I had. We had now become a family of 3! 

 

The nurse would come in at like 3 am and make me get up and walk! Boy, I hated her then. When I stood up for the first time since having Wes I thought I was gonna pull my stomach apart. Oh how it hurt!

On Saturday night, Chris had fallen asleep and I had kept Wes in the room since on Sunday we would be going home and I wanted to see all this talk about "sleepless nights." Well I still couldn't really stand cause of the pain and Wes had started crying. Chris was on the couch fast asleep (when he's asleep, he's asleep!), so I managed to get Wes out of his NB bed.Then later Chris and Wes had fallen asleep on the couch and I was so worried that he had been squashed so I got my catheter and rain over doubled in pain to see that Wes was just fine.  Well since I was up, I decided to walked around and clean my room up! The best part about my stay was my room. I had labored in there and it was also my postpartum room all to myself.

When I finally peed by myself I thought my entire upper body was gonna poor through my pee hole! It didn't hurt, just felt really awkward.

We got released the next day and I broke all the rules and sat in the front with Chris lol. 

Our first night wasn't bad, Wes went to bed at 9pm then right as Chris and I were about to sleep he woke up and Chris fed him because he knew I was in some serious pain. After he fed Wes, he slept until 7 the next morning. We slept on the couch because it was low and didnt feel painful when I moved. Chris was awesome! He helped out so much. 

Wes bilirubin levels were high so we had to go to his pedi and get his levels checked the next day (Monday).


So, we went in Monday got his levels checked and his levels went down a little, but not a whole lot so we were told to come back Tuesday. Wes also had lost a couple of ounces which took him down to 9lb and a few oz.


Tuesday we went and his levels were at a good range. It was also the day Chris left so after he packed and we headed to the airport. It was the saddest thing. He was leaving us:( We were saying goodbye and a girl who worked at pizza hut in the airport started crying because she said it was so sad. I hugged him one last time and he walked away and it was Just Wes and me now. The next time we would see him would be in March, Wes would be 4 months old (we would only stay a week or so), then we wouldn't see him until Wes was 6 months old and finally we would all 3 live together. It wasn't easy being away from Chris while we started our family and there were tears shed, but it certainly made us stronger<3 <3

Wes Allen Evanko

Thursday, November 6th, 2008

10lbs, 3oz & 21 1/4in.

at 1:12pm