Like the title of my blog hints, this blog will be everywhere because I don't blog everyday and I need to start!!
So, I signed up with Fort Bliss to play in the Women's Volleyball League! I freaking love it! I have forgotten how much I love volleyball and how much talent I have for the sport. It's naturally coming back to me and I am having so much fun with it. We had our first games this past Saturday and we won both games and all of our matches. I was a little worried because at warm-up time we barely had 4 players and for those of you who don't know, you need 6 to play. By the grace of god we had 6 at game time and blew the first team away. Really, it was nothing. The second team we played gave us more of a challenge, but we came out on top! I am loving it and can't wait for practice tomorrow!
Today is Monday and that means I went back to work! It was nice seeing all my kiddos and I found out beginning of April I will be getting a significant increase in hours a day. I was working in the mornings at another daycare from 9am- 1:30pm and then going to All-Stars from 4pm- 6:30pm. Now I can finally be at All-Stars from 12pm- 6:30pm because one of the teachers will be on maternity leave. I am so thrilled about the increase in hours because it means more experience and obviously more money. We are also getting an influx of more children registering, so I see myself very soon going full-time from 8am-4pm. I really hope that happens because it would be awesome to not have to plan around sports and things all the time.
My cousin Lesley had her second baby today! Her name is Ella and she weighed 10lbs and 14oz!!! What the heck!!! Lol, that's bigger than Wes!! I am so happy for her!! She and her husband will continue to be amazing parents and raise their children in God's light!!
As always, I hope my time is coming soon, but I think God led me to everything that I am enjoying at this time in my life; school, work, volleyball, Wes's sports. I think if I didn't have these things going on, I would be going insane and I thank god for leading me to these things! For lent, I gave up 2 things: biting my nails and using OPKs! So far, I haven't touched my nails and that is so hard because I have always been a nail biter. Not using OPKs during lent is sooo freaking nice! I am not obsessing over DTD or thinking about DTD 24/7.
Anyway, it is way past my bedtime! Goodnight and Godbless.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Here Lately
So, it has been a long time since I have blogged. For one, I have been really busy and second, I felt if did blog it would be a rant about getting pregnant, and I'm so over those blogs.
I am still working and I really do love it, although it is not "Sweet Pea's Daycare" anymore. They unfortunately had to close there doors and it royally sucked having to leave all my kids who I grew so fond over. The owners of Sweet Pea's led me to a place called "All-Star Readers" and I could not be more happy. It is like a little school, but for toddlers and preschoolers. I work there in the afternoon,but I take Wes for Math class at 8:45am. He loves it and calls it his "schoolers." He is learning so much and I am completely impressed by this center. I used to have a whole different opinion on daycares/learning centers. I used to think how horrible it was, the sickness going around, the ill mannered children, all that mess. Wes's learning center is like none I have ever seen before. They don't stay in one room the whole day. They move around from center to center. They have 5 centers: the art center, the writing center, the literacy center, the math center, the science center, and outdoor play. He is learning to read; yes, you read that right! Read!! They are starting sight words Wes loves reading me his sight word books. He has such a new profound love for reading and books. To help foster this, Chris and I let Wes pick out one book every time we go to the store. We always read it that night for bedtime. I cannot believe he is learning all this at 3. It still amazes me. I will be working there in the mornings when one of the teachers goes on maternity leave at the end of this month. I cannot wait!
I am still continuing with my education. I am taking a History Class right now and I love it. Working with the smaller kids vs the older kids at Sweet Pea's has made me realize I may want to major in secondary education instead of elementary education. I am still debating the two.
Chris is officially getting out of the United States Army. His ETS date is the end of September. I was sort of scared, but now I could not be happier. The thought of going back home and raising Wes where I always saw myself raising my children is an amazing feeling. I am looking at this one catholic preschool and I am pretty sure Wes will be attending this one if we move back in the Birmingham area. I always wanted my children to go to a catholic school and it's coming true. I can't wait until he starts learning more about his faith and comes to love it as much as I do. Well, I hope he does. Chris isn't really the church going kinda guy, so I am really the one who is in charge of guiding Wes into the Catholic church. Can't wait!
Well, you know I had to write something about my PCOS, so here it is. I had a doctor's appointment March 1st and since I am still not pregnant, he wants to go in and drain my cysts. So, I go back beginning of April and get that scheduled. I missed the month of March for my period and finally started today. So excited. I was getting worried. You really don't realize the effects of no period until you have no period. I am not just worried about getting pregnant, but if I have too much build-up on my uterus from no period, I could get cancer. That scares me because I am not ready to leave this earth nor do I wanna leave my baby motherless.
I am going to try and blog at least every other day because I think it is great to get my thoughts out and they aren't swirling around in my head. Until next time<3
I am still working and I really do love it, although it is not "Sweet Pea's Daycare" anymore. They unfortunately had to close there doors and it royally sucked having to leave all my kids who I grew so fond over. The owners of Sweet Pea's led me to a place called "All-Star Readers" and I could not be more happy. It is like a little school, but for toddlers and preschoolers. I work there in the afternoon,but I take Wes for Math class at 8:45am. He loves it and calls it his "schoolers." He is learning so much and I am completely impressed by this center. I used to have a whole different opinion on daycares/learning centers. I used to think how horrible it was, the sickness going around, the ill mannered children, all that mess. Wes's learning center is like none I have ever seen before. They don't stay in one room the whole day. They move around from center to center. They have 5 centers: the art center, the writing center, the literacy center, the math center, the science center, and outdoor play. He is learning to read; yes, you read that right! Read!! They are starting sight words Wes loves reading me his sight word books. He has such a new profound love for reading and books. To help foster this, Chris and I let Wes pick out one book every time we go to the store. We always read it that night for bedtime. I cannot believe he is learning all this at 3. It still amazes me. I will be working there in the mornings when one of the teachers goes on maternity leave at the end of this month. I cannot wait!
I am still continuing with my education. I am taking a History Class right now and I love it. Working with the smaller kids vs the older kids at Sweet Pea's has made me realize I may want to major in secondary education instead of elementary education. I am still debating the two.
Chris is officially getting out of the United States Army. His ETS date is the end of September. I was sort of scared, but now I could not be happier. The thought of going back home and raising Wes where I always saw myself raising my children is an amazing feeling. I am looking at this one catholic preschool and I am pretty sure Wes will be attending this one if we move back in the Birmingham area. I always wanted my children to go to a catholic school and it's coming true. I can't wait until he starts learning more about his faith and comes to love it as much as I do. Well, I hope he does. Chris isn't really the church going kinda guy, so I am really the one who is in charge of guiding Wes into the Catholic church. Can't wait!
Well, you know I had to write something about my PCOS, so here it is. I had a doctor's appointment March 1st and since I am still not pregnant, he wants to go in and drain my cysts. So, I go back beginning of April and get that scheduled. I missed the month of March for my period and finally started today. So excited. I was getting worried. You really don't realize the effects of no period until you have no period. I am not just worried about getting pregnant, but if I have too much build-up on my uterus from no period, I could get cancer. That scares me because I am not ready to leave this earth nor do I wanna leave my baby motherless.
I am going to try and blog at least every other day because I think it is great to get my thoughts out and they aren't swirling around in my head. Until next time<3
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Rose Knows && My Doc Appt.
LMAO! Soo don't think I am crazy!!
Anyway, I am on babycenter every month, reading posts, learning new things about TTC. Well in the September 2012 Birth Club, some people were posting about this lady "Rose Knows." She is a psychic (don't laugh lol) and so many of the women swear by her. She has different packages, but the one I bought was the the Mommy Package for $30.00. Yes, I know crazy, but I had to know if I was having anymore kids lol! I emailed her on Thursday and got a reply today and here is what she said.
"Jena,
Thank you so much for purchasing the MOMMY'S PACKAGE...It was a pleasure doing this reading for you and I thank you for your patience while I scheduled your reading in! Please also join my facebook business page if you haven't already done so: www.facebook.com/roseknows1111 & invite all of your friends so they can take advantage of all the fantastic giveaways & deals!! *Any feedback via email & facebook as well as testimonials on my website are greatly appreciated!! Also I love getting updates to hear how you have been and how things are going :)
I see you just having one more child... a baby GIRL. The guides are connecting her to MAR/APR. This is for conception or birth month but I am leaning towards CONCEPTION. I see her having a heart of gold!! She will be such a GIVER and help others in need growing up. She seems to also wear her heart on her sleeve... very emotional growing up and always needs and wants extra attention and "mommy's love"... I see her being born a little premature maybe by a month or so but all will be well and she will still be super healthy. I am seeing something about you being in a car when the water breaks or something about being in a car and birth... I really hope it doesn't mean you give birth in the car... LOL... but this will make sense later. I feel this little girl will make your family feel complete and it make a complete closed circle of harmony!! Guides are also mentioning the name Julie or Julianne or Something like this? Either in her name or being someone of significance in her life when little... perhaps a doctor or someone? She will very much resemble your husband... I am told that she will have a beauty mark somewhere on her arm that is really cute and like her "trademark" growing up!! :)
GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING!! ANY FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATED AND PLEASE KEEP ME UPDATED.. let me know if a wish lock is something that interests you!!"
So whoa!! lol I really hope that she means this year!! It was scary crazy how she "knew" all that. I am so dramatic sometimes, very close to my mom and need her approval for so much in life, and I have a beauty mark on my arm too that I have always loved. If she looks like Chris ugh that would suck because I always wanted my little girl to look like me lol. I don't know about the Julie or Julianne being in her name, maybe Juliana, but not the others. I better not be giving birth in the car haha! I was sad she didn't see more kids in my future, but one one so that Wes could have a sibling would be amazing!! lmao I know I am so crazy for paying $30, but I was sooooo curious lol!!
Anyway, I went to the doctor on December 29th and found out my official diagnosis and it is that I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I cried after the doctor's appointment, but it is so nice to have an explanation of why I have not had a baby yet. The plan is for me to be on Clomid for 3 more months 150mg and if I do not conceive by then, then I will have to get my cysts removed in April. My follow-up appointment is March 2nd and I am so praying that I am pregnant by then so I do not have to undergo surgery and "Rose Knows" better be right lol!! He keeps telling me that I should not worry because I will have another baby, but I can't help it lol. I have gotten better about not focusing on it as much because of work and Wes, but I just pray he is right!!
Anyway, I am on babycenter every month, reading posts, learning new things about TTC. Well in the September 2012 Birth Club, some people were posting about this lady "Rose Knows." She is a psychic (don't laugh lol) and so many of the women swear by her. She has different packages, but the one I bought was the the Mommy Package for $30.00. Yes, I know crazy, but I had to know if I was having anymore kids lol! I emailed her on Thursday and got a reply today and here is what she said.
"Jena,
Thank you so much for purchasing the MOMMY'S PACKAGE...It was a pleasure doing this reading for you and I thank you for your patience while I scheduled your reading in! Please also join my facebook business page if you haven't already done so: www.facebook.com/roseknows1111 & invite all of your friends so they can take advantage of all the fantastic giveaways & deals!! *Any feedback via email & facebook as well as testimonials on my website are greatly appreciated!! Also I love getting updates to hear how you have been and how things are going :)
I see you just having one more child... a baby GIRL. The guides are connecting her to MAR/APR. This is for conception or birth month but I am leaning towards CONCEPTION. I see her having a heart of gold!! She will be such a GIVER and help others in need growing up. She seems to also wear her heart on her sleeve... very emotional growing up and always needs and wants extra attention and "mommy's love"... I see her being born a little premature maybe by a month or so but all will be well and she will still be super healthy. I am seeing something about you being in a car when the water breaks or something about being in a car and birth... I really hope it doesn't mean you give birth in the car... LOL... but this will make sense later. I feel this little girl will make your family feel complete and it make a complete closed circle of harmony!! Guides are also mentioning the name Julie or Julianne or Something like this? Either in her name or being someone of significance in her life when little... perhaps a doctor or someone? She will very much resemble your husband... I am told that she will have a beauty mark somewhere on her arm that is really cute and like her "trademark" growing up!! :)
GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING!! ANY FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATED AND PLEASE KEEP ME UPDATED.. let me know if a wish lock is something that interests you!!"
So whoa!! lol I really hope that she means this year!! It was scary crazy how she "knew" all that. I am so dramatic sometimes, very close to my mom and need her approval for so much in life, and I have a beauty mark on my arm too that I have always loved. If she looks like Chris ugh that would suck because I always wanted my little girl to look like me lol. I don't know about the Julie or Julianne being in her name, maybe Juliana, but not the others. I better not be giving birth in the car haha! I was sad she didn't see more kids in my future, but one one so that Wes could have a sibling would be amazing!! lmao I know I am so crazy for paying $30, but I was sooooo curious lol!!
Anyway, I went to the doctor on December 29th and found out my official diagnosis and it is that I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I cried after the doctor's appointment, but it is so nice to have an explanation of why I have not had a baby yet. The plan is for me to be on Clomid for 3 more months 150mg and if I do not conceive by then, then I will have to get my cysts removed in April. My follow-up appointment is March 2nd and I am so praying that I am pregnant by then so I do not have to undergo surgery and "Rose Knows" better be right lol!! He keeps telling me that I should not worry because I will have another baby, but I can't help it lol. I have gotten better about not focusing on it as much because of work and Wes, but I just pray he is right!!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
The Return of The Witch
She definitely showed her face today! Yay!! I really wish I could get back on a regular schedule and start naturally, but that hasn't happened my last 2 cycles. Anyway, I am internally jumping for joy!!! Let's hope this is the month. If I get pregnant this month, a baby would be the ultimate Birthday present because I would be due right around my birthday:)
Friday Night
I have been trying to blog everyday, so I don't have a ton to say every blog. I love blogging, but not for a long time lol. I have been working and Monday I will start classes up again! I am going to be busy bee; however, I am so blessed to be so busy because then I won't have time to obsess over my period coming, ovulation, getting pregnant. I love being busy! I am truly thankful for everything I have been blessed with. Now, if only I can get a baby lol!
Friday morning, I woke to Chris crying out in pain from his side. At first, I thought it was part of my dream, but then I realized it wasn't. I asked Chris what was wrong and he said he was in a lot of pain. I asked him if he needed an ambulance and of course he said no. He "Web MDed" it (LMAO) and "Web MD told him it was kidney stones. I told him he needed to go to the ER like now, but he took some pain killers and said he would be fine until I got home from work at 7pm.
Friday evening I got home and ate my subway. Chris was still sleeping and after I finished my supper, I told him that we were going to the ER now. I got everything the prince needed to occupy his attention; his crayons, paper, DVD player, DVDs, and his phoneme (my iphone). I hope by now, you realize the "prince" is Wes and not Chris lol. Anyway, we went in and Chris was seen in a timely manner. Wes and I waited and waited and finally I got so sick of waiting I went in the back to check on Chris. I expected him to be sitting up because kidney stones aren't that serious, right? Wrong! I go in the back and Chris is connected to all these wires and things are beeping and I am like what is wrong? He told me he had to get a CT scan and that they think since he has a cast on his leg (from his surgery last month), it cause a blood clot and ended up in his lungs. Later it was confirmed that he did in fact have a blood clot. Wes gave him a big hug and so did I. I was really worried about him after that and gave him a hug. I told him I loved him and not to die on me.
I took Wes home around 3am, put him to bed and went to bed myself. I knew I would be up early going to the hospital the next day and I need my sleep. In a perfect world I need 10hrs to be fully rested, but I settled for 5 last night haha.
Anyway, Chris called to let me know he was up. He said he may be released today and my pizza is here, so I am going to enjoy it! Later!!
Friday morning, I woke to Chris crying out in pain from his side. At first, I thought it was part of my dream, but then I realized it wasn't. I asked Chris what was wrong and he said he was in a lot of pain. I asked him if he needed an ambulance and of course he said no. He "Web MDed" it (LMAO) and "Web MD told him it was kidney stones. I told him he needed to go to the ER like now, but he took some pain killers and said he would be fine until I got home from work at 7pm.
Friday evening I got home and ate my subway. Chris was still sleeping and after I finished my supper, I told him that we were going to the ER now. I got everything the prince needed to occupy his attention; his crayons, paper, DVD player, DVDs, and his phoneme (my iphone). I hope by now, you realize the "prince" is Wes and not Chris lol. Anyway, we went in and Chris was seen in a timely manner. Wes and I waited and waited and finally I got so sick of waiting I went in the back to check on Chris. I expected him to be sitting up because kidney stones aren't that serious, right? Wrong! I go in the back and Chris is connected to all these wires and things are beeping and I am like what is wrong? He told me he had to get a CT scan and that they think since he has a cast on his leg (from his surgery last month), it cause a blood clot and ended up in his lungs. Later it was confirmed that he did in fact have a blood clot. Wes gave him a big hug and so did I. I was really worried about him after that and gave him a hug. I told him I loved him and not to die on me.
I took Wes home around 3am, put him to bed and went to bed myself. I knew I would be up early going to the hospital the next day and I need my sleep. In a perfect world I need 10hrs to be fully rested, but I settled for 5 last night haha.
Anyway, Chris called to let me know he was up. He said he may be released today and my pizza is here, so I am going to enjoy it! Later!!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
More Ramblings
First off, on Sunday I took my progesterone to jump-start my period and since today is Wednesday, I am on Day 4 out of 10. Still no period, but last time my period started 4 days after day 10 ended.
I started writing about my fertility problems because right before this I got a facebook message from my neighbor who needed me to watch her children because she had an OB appt. Now, I am not sure if she is pregnant or she just has like a pap or something, but ugh it tugged at my heart. She has 3 kiddos and her youngest is 1! Seriously, why can't I get just one more! Why are there crack whores, druggies, and dead beat mommas getting prego and I can't!! I am totally not saying that she is one, she is totally cool, but god, come on! Send a baby my way before others who have 3!!
As for my job at the daycare, it surprisingly doesn't bother me about being infertile. I love seeing the babies and toddlers playing in their rooms not to far from mine. I think God brought me to this job though because my afterschoolers TOTALLY curb my want for another baby thinking about what that baby grows up to be. Now, don't get be wrong I want a baby sooo very bad, but the older kids are great especially when they act up, because for a few seconds I don't focus on wanting and not being able to get pregnant. I hate stuff like I just mentioned because then I am all about wanting to be pregnant! It sucks and no one can make you feel better about it unless that someone has magical powers and bam, make you pregnant.
My class was so much better today! I hate being mean, but I guess that is what it took. I tried to be nice and the talking back and sarcasm just kept coming, so today I went in with an attitude. One of my "coloful" students flat out lied to my face 2x and so she wrote the rule she broke 5x. I think by the end of the week, I am going to have a whole drawer full of her rule writing. Today was a much better day than yesterday!
Well, I don't really feel like writing anymore because my house is a freaking mess and I need to clean it!
I started writing about my fertility problems because right before this I got a facebook message from my neighbor who needed me to watch her children because she had an OB appt. Now, I am not sure if she is pregnant or she just has like a pap or something, but ugh it tugged at my heart. She has 3 kiddos and her youngest is 1! Seriously, why can't I get just one more! Why are there crack whores, druggies, and dead beat mommas getting prego and I can't!! I am totally not saying that she is one, she is totally cool, but god, come on! Send a baby my way before others who have 3!!
As for my job at the daycare, it surprisingly doesn't bother me about being infertile. I love seeing the babies and toddlers playing in their rooms not to far from mine. I think God brought me to this job though because my afterschoolers TOTALLY curb my want for another baby thinking about what that baby grows up to be. Now, don't get be wrong I want a baby sooo very bad, but the older kids are great especially when they act up, because for a few seconds I don't focus on wanting and not being able to get pregnant. I hate stuff like I just mentioned because then I am all about wanting to be pregnant! It sucks and no one can make you feel better about it unless that someone has magical powers and bam, make you pregnant.
My class was so much better today! I hate being mean, but I guess that is what it took. I tried to be nice and the talking back and sarcasm just kept coming, so today I went in with an attitude. One of my "coloful" students flat out lied to my face 2x and so she wrote the rule she broke 5x. I think by the end of the week, I am going to have a whole drawer full of her rule writing. Today was a much better day than yesterday!
Well, I don't really feel like writing anymore because my house is a freaking mess and I need to clean it!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Ramblings of an Infertile
First and foremost, I have some news!! I am now an EMPLOYED, working mommy!! I LOVE my job!! I think it is the best job I could possibly get, being it is literally down the hall from Wes! I got hired as the after-school teacher for a daycare on the Westside. I have my own class!! It is a perfect starting point for where I want to end up! I think when Chris gets out of the Army next year, I want to open a daycare when we move back home. I want to be able to raise my children with me, all the while making money to support us. Anyway, Wes doesn't start this month because Chris is on con leave from his surgery last month, so Wes and Chris stay home while I work from 12 to 6:30pm. I usually get home by 6:55pm or 7pm. So, not bad at all. Wes will start going with me in January. They serve supper there at 5:15pm, so I will not have to cook all week! It really is totally awesome! Wes and I will be fed and I will have to buy easy things for Chris to make for himself. I love it! Chris was so excited that I got a job, so I can take over my car payment and have some extra cash, but when he heard that he wasn't so thrilled lmao!
I have also realized that working moms have it so much harder than SAHM! Seriously, I work a full day on my feet and then have to come home and soak up as much time with my son, being the best mommy I can be, all while holding back the fatigue. It's a little tough, but I will get the hang of it. I used to be mad when Chris would tell me that I have it easy and I can sleep whenever I wanted and I have realized that is totally true. I would have never taken this job if Wes wouldn't be taken care of properly. It is amazing, all I do to peek on him is reach my head through my door and there he is! The best part is that I get 50% off Wes's tuition so I will be making enough to cover that, my $400 dollar car payment, and have 200 dollars left for gas, since it is the west side. At first Chris didn't see the positive and did not want me to take it, but then I was like ummmm hello, I will be paying the car payment!! That is awesome enough!
About my struggles to conceive a second miracle: So, I am on cycle day 34! Wow, that is a long cycle you say, right? Um, yes it is because it should have ended on day 32, but here I sit typing away and I am NOT bleeding like a MOFO, nor am I KNOCKED UP! So frustrating!!! Seriously, I would rather my period just come and mourn that I am not pregnant that month, than my body trick me to thinking that I am. It kills me every time to test and see that one, fucking, big line NOT followed by another one!! November marked 1 year since we have been trying for a second baby and you know how much that FUCKING sucks! Well, yes some of you obviously do, but still. I told my mom that I haven't started, no BFP, and so I would have to buy a bottle of wine and drink my sorrows away, and taking my progesterone to jump-start the bloody bitch. She was like "no Jena! you could still be pregnant, wait a week, I knew a girl who was 6 months and she had just found out cause none of the tests would show a pos!" She also added that I was a drunk if I drank. Oh dear mommy! Now, I love my mother and I am praying for the best possible news that she will receive on Monday because I CANNOT live without the women (another story, another day), but really? I hold onto that hope EVERY month and look at where it has gotten me. Always holding onto hope every time I am late and it is heartbreaking, it sucks, and it's exhausting. Why couldn't I be that girl popping out 5 kids by 25! Seriously!
I will listen to my doc because he promised me I would be prego by January, so he has until then. If he fails, I am putting myself on soy. I know clomid is good too, but 85% of women get pregnant on their first month with it. Now, I am hoping I won't be out of my 2 months left of clomid and have to try it out, but always have plan B! <-NOT the "back-up" birth control that kills babies!
Anyway, I am not sure if I will wait till Thursday to start my Progesterone because if I do, I will have lost the whole month of December of TTC.
I found myself debating when we move to just give Wes's baby clothes away. At the rate I am going, it is likely I will never have another baby. I just feel deep down that our family is not complete yet. Come on Jesus send me a sign! I'll be going to Mass tomorrow and I would really love a sign because I am feeling like their isn't any hope left!!
Oh! and whoever said that TTC is soo fun is sooooo WRONG! It is not fun! It wears me the hell out, by the end of the month I am exhausted and hate sex.
Till tomorrow!
I have also realized that working moms have it so much harder than SAHM! Seriously, I work a full day on my feet and then have to come home and soak up as much time with my son, being the best mommy I can be, all while holding back the fatigue. It's a little tough, but I will get the hang of it. I used to be mad when Chris would tell me that I have it easy and I can sleep whenever I wanted and I have realized that is totally true. I would have never taken this job if Wes wouldn't be taken care of properly. It is amazing, all I do to peek on him is reach my head through my door and there he is! The best part is that I get 50% off Wes's tuition so I will be making enough to cover that, my $400 dollar car payment, and have 200 dollars left for gas, since it is the west side. At first Chris didn't see the positive and did not want me to take it, but then I was like ummmm hello, I will be paying the car payment!! That is awesome enough!
About my struggles to conceive a second miracle: So, I am on cycle day 34! Wow, that is a long cycle you say, right? Um, yes it is because it should have ended on day 32, but here I sit typing away and I am NOT bleeding like a MOFO, nor am I KNOCKED UP! So frustrating!!! Seriously, I would rather my period just come and mourn that I am not pregnant that month, than my body trick me to thinking that I am. It kills me every time to test and see that one, fucking, big line NOT followed by another one!! November marked 1 year since we have been trying for a second baby and you know how much that FUCKING sucks! Well, yes some of you obviously do, but still. I told my mom that I haven't started, no BFP, and so I would have to buy a bottle of wine and drink my sorrows away, and taking my progesterone to jump-start the bloody bitch. She was like "no Jena! you could still be pregnant, wait a week, I knew a girl who was 6 months and she had just found out cause none of the tests would show a pos!" She also added that I was a drunk if I drank. Oh dear mommy! Now, I love my mother and I am praying for the best possible news that she will receive on Monday because I CANNOT live without the women (another story, another day), but really? I hold onto that hope EVERY month and look at where it has gotten me. Always holding onto hope every time I am late and it is heartbreaking, it sucks, and it's exhausting. Why couldn't I be that girl popping out 5 kids by 25! Seriously!
I will listen to my doc because he promised me I would be prego by January, so he has until then. If he fails, I am putting myself on soy. I know clomid is good too, but 85% of women get pregnant on their first month with it. Now, I am hoping I won't be out of my 2 months left of clomid and have to try it out, but always have plan B! <-NOT the "back-up" birth control that kills babies!
Anyway, I am not sure if I will wait till Thursday to start my Progesterone because if I do, I will have lost the whole month of December of TTC.
I found myself debating when we move to just give Wes's baby clothes away. At the rate I am going, it is likely I will never have another baby. I just feel deep down that our family is not complete yet. Come on Jesus send me a sign! I'll be going to Mass tomorrow and I would really love a sign because I am feeling like their isn't any hope left!!
Oh! and whoever said that TTC is soo fun is sooooo WRONG! It is not fun! It wears me the hell out, by the end of the month I am exhausted and hate sex.
Till tomorrow!
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