In past blogs I have written that I love my son to death, but he isn't enough to curb my want for more children. Well, Friday night when I took him to the Monster Bash on post that all changed.
The bash was lame, but Wes and I had an absolute blast! I watched him play and run around and call me over to help him do stuff and I got lost in the moment. It hit me right there that Wes is more than enough! If he is the only child that we are able to have that will be more than okay. I have this amazing little life that depends on me and loves me and anyone who can't be happy with that is being blinded by something. I know I was! I so wanted another baby that I couldn't fully enjoy and get lost in moments with Wes without thinking to myself what if we had another little one running around. That is going to change! I at least have accomplished the one thing in life I have ALWAYS wanted; to have a child! So, to me that is more than enough. I am no longer going to think about future children until there is one growing in my belly! My focus is Wes and his happiness and ahhhhh that little boy melts my heart!! He is so smart, so very funny, so witty, and sooo fun! He is a blast!
He will be 3 on Nov. 6th and I want to bawl my eyes out!! Not because I am sad, but because I just look back from where he started, in my belly, and now to the amazing little boy he has become! I do think that I should have spent more time with him soaking up every little moment, but then I think about it, I always have. I can remember everything about the day he was born and I thank God for giving me a superb memory. I remember the tiny kicks, I remember the moment and the pain when I went into labor, I remember the moment they pulled him from my belly, I remember his first cry, I remember exactly what he looked like when I laid my eyes on him for the first time, he was absolutely gorgeous, the tremendous amount of pride I felt when I held him for the first time, going home with him, the way he fit perfectly in my arms every time I held him, I remember the sadness I felt because Chris missed out on so much, I remember my mother and sister always being there to do anything they could to help, I remember the way he used to drink his bottle so loud at church it echoed lmao, the smell of his baby breath (my most favorite smell EVER), how excited I was when he started crawling, then finally walking! I remember every hug, kiss, and "I love you," thank you so much God for Wes!
I could not imagine life without my poohz and I am so glad I got to meet you early in life because it means I can love you longer.
(just bawled my eyes out writing this! damn you fertility meds lol)
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Bee-yatchiness
So, I have so much to say and vent about! First off, my last blog I said that I was testing to see if I am pregnant because I was late. Unfortunately, no baby "E" in the oven=( I was sad, I'm not going to lie, but I keep telling myself when Chris comes back from this training mission I start Clomid and things will look up!
Anyway, when my period doesn't come and I am not pregnant, I was prescribed Medroxy Progesterone, which jump starts my period. Today is day 2 of 10 of my Progesterone pills and I have not started my period. I am really hoping it comes soon!!
I feel like these pills are bringing my mood down. The past two days I have been on them, I have just felt so "blahhh". I really hope these next few days that I am on them fly by because I hate the way I feel. I have also felt myself become a little bitter with these pills and I am trying to nip it in the bud. I'm like telling myself, Jena, seriously calm down, your time will come and it will be soon! I think the remaining 8 days, I am going to be a super bitch! I have no sympathy for people who get knocked up and are mad about it or can't handle their kids and pawn them off on people or who just abuse their kids. I don't sympathize with you. If this sounds bitter, it's my pills talking!
I have a baby shower coming up for someone that I am in no way close too. I really don't feel like it is the best thing for me to do. If it were one of my friends, I would be there in a second! I also would be super happy for them, but not for this person. Nope! I am not going to put myself through that and pretend I am happy for someone when I am most definitely not!
So, to keep my mind off this baby business, I have just been focusing on Wes! I love that little boy! He brightens up my days!! Chris is off to training for 3 weeks and it will just be me and my baby boy! I know we will have fun! Anyway, I just needed to get my feelings out and I feel a little better, but I cannot wait to get off this medicine I HATE it!!!
Anyway, when my period doesn't come and I am not pregnant, I was prescribed Medroxy Progesterone, which jump starts my period. Today is day 2 of 10 of my Progesterone pills and I have not started my period. I am really hoping it comes soon!!
I feel like these pills are bringing my mood down. The past two days I have been on them, I have just felt so "blahhh". I really hope these next few days that I am on them fly by because I hate the way I feel. I have also felt myself become a little bitter with these pills and I am trying to nip it in the bud. I'm like telling myself, Jena, seriously calm down, your time will come and it will be soon! I think the remaining 8 days, I am going to be a super bitch! I have no sympathy for people who get knocked up and are mad about it or can't handle their kids and pawn them off on people or who just abuse their kids. I don't sympathize with you. If this sounds bitter, it's my pills talking!
I have a baby shower coming up for someone that I am in no way close too. I really don't feel like it is the best thing for me to do. If it were one of my friends, I would be there in a second! I also would be super happy for them, but not for this person. Nope! I am not going to put myself through that and pretend I am happy for someone when I am most definitely not!
So, to keep my mind off this baby business, I have just been focusing on Wes! I love that little boy! He brightens up my days!! Chris is off to training for 3 weeks and it will just be me and my baby boy! I know we will have fun! Anyway, I just needed to get my feelings out and I feel a little better, but I cannot wait to get off this medicine I HATE it!!!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Today is the Day....
that Aunt Flow is supposed to come for a visit. Today is the day that I find out if my "hard work", if you will lol, paid off. I am hoping for the best , but I am not getting my hopes up for obvious reasons. My mind keeps playing tricks on me making me believe I am starting; in my head I just yell "DAMMIT," but so far nothing. I am praying and hoping this is THE month! How awesome would that be.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Amazing Weekend with my Boys && What's to Come!
This past weekend was just simply amazing!! Friday Chris worked on his car and I picked up around the house. Later, Wes went to bed and it was just Chris and I watching movies and eating our favorite movie snack; BOILED PEANUTS! We love boiled peanuts and since there in season, we've been buying like 2lbs every weekend.
Saturday, we headed up the the Mesilla Valley Maze, which features a huge pumpkin patch, a corn maze, and a whole bunch of fun stuff for the family and kiddos! We had a blast! Wes and I had been last year while Chris was deployed, but it was Chris's 1st time! He said he had a great time, which is unusual for Chris because he never admits how much he likes something. He must have really liked it! Anyway, we each got our 3 pumpkins and plan to carve them today! After the pumpkin patch, we got Chinese for dinner, YUM; except, I got food poising from it! It wasn't anything major like I usually get, but it did still suck!
Sunday, we had a repeat of Friday and it was just awesome! Lazy day in our PJs(:
Chris is leaving us soon. It will be the first time he has been gone overnight (besides CQ) since he has been back from deployment. He will be gone for 2 1/2 weeks in Maryland. I was saying Virginia, but if you know anything about the Army, they are always changing things. We are going to miss him and I just hope the 2 weeks fly by! I know facebook is going to be cluttered with whiny wives complaining about field time and girls from back home complaining about missing their husbands or boyfriends for an overnight trip, but you know, any amount of time sucks from being away from your significant other. I just have to understand that I am more weathered than the girls from back home are, I know what it is to go weeks without contact and cry yourself to sleep because you just simply miss him. I am sure I'll update my facebook and write that I miss my husband and no one better not give me shit because I have done a deployment. Yes, I have went through one. I was left behind and I know what it is like to have a spouse missing for 12 months. If you haven't gone through a deployment, you have no right to judge me and no, field time does NOT count. Some will say well she knows what it's like to not have your husband for a while. I do agree;however, I think that every time he is gone for an amount of time it will just bring me back to that mindset of when he was deployed and boy does that mindset fucking suck! I think it will suck more because we are trying to get pregnant and if I am not pregnant by the time he leaves, we won't be able to try for a month and that SUCKS! God has a plan for us all and I just have to keep being patient.
I am also wondering what I plan to do for Wes's 3rd birthday! The actual birthday, Nov. 6, since Chris will be gone. I want to take him out to maybe chuck-e-cheese or just some place fun to celebrate him. I still gotta think about this.
Anyway, better tend to my laundry before it eats me whole! I have nothing to wear, which is why I am washing in the 1st; sad, but at least I am getting it done!!
Sunday, we had a repeat of Friday and it was just awesome! Lazy day in our PJs(:
Chris is leaving us soon. It will be the first time he has been gone overnight (besides CQ) since he has been back from deployment. He will be gone for 2 1/2 weeks in Maryland. I was saying Virginia, but if you know anything about the Army, they are always changing things. We are going to miss him and I just hope the 2 weeks fly by! I know facebook is going to be cluttered with whiny wives complaining about field time and girls from back home complaining about missing their husbands or boyfriends for an overnight trip, but you know, any amount of time sucks from being away from your significant other. I just have to understand that I am more weathered than the girls from back home are, I know what it is to go weeks without contact and cry yourself to sleep because you just simply miss him. I am sure I'll update my facebook and write that I miss my husband and no one better not give me shit because I have done a deployment. Yes, I have went through one. I was left behind and I know what it is like to have a spouse missing for 12 months. If you haven't gone through a deployment, you have no right to judge me and no, field time does NOT count. Some will say well she knows what it's like to not have your husband for a while. I do agree;however, I think that every time he is gone for an amount of time it will just bring me back to that mindset of when he was deployed and boy does that mindset fucking suck! I think it will suck more because we are trying to get pregnant and if I am not pregnant by the time he leaves, we won't be able to try for a month and that SUCKS! God has a plan for us all and I just have to keep being patient.
I am also wondering what I plan to do for Wes's 3rd birthday! The actual birthday, Nov. 6, since Chris will be gone. I want to take him out to maybe chuck-e-cheese or just some place fun to celebrate him. I still gotta think about this.
Anyway, better tend to my laundry before it eats me whole! I have nothing to wear, which is why I am washing in the 1st; sad, but at least I am getting it done!!
Friday, October 14, 2011
Sleepless Nights && Super Fun Weekend to Come!
I better get this all out before Wes notices I am on the computer. He always knows just the right time to need something(:
The past few nights Wes has had me wanting to pull all my hair out! He refuses to go to bed and it has been a fight every night. He usually passes out around 3 am. I am totally exhausted all day because I don't get any sleep and we usually end up sleeping the day away because we are so tired from staying up the night before. It wouldn't be so bad, but he gets unusually hyper. He runs around, jumps from the couch the floor, jumps on the couch, and just gets into a handful of trouble. I feel so bad because I just feel myself constantly getting on to him. I don't like raising my voice or having to spank Wes, but he is leaving me no choice. By the time he goes to bed I just want to take a nice hot bath and go to bed. My house is a little neglected lol. He doesn't have sweets on a regular basis, but I am now making it only on special occasions where he can have sweets. I am cutting back his juice intake and am going to try and give him warm milk before bed so he can fall asleep better. After I hit the gym today, I am going to take him to the park and let him run his energy out and maybe walk around the PX. I am going to causally try and "accidentally" run into Fridays at the Fire lol (Chris hates it) We'll see if all goes well.
Today is going to be the best weekend before we send Chris off to training for a few weeks in Virginia. Tomorrow Fort Bliss is having a "Post Playdate" at 10am, where the kiddos get to see a movie, which includes popcorn and a drink for only $3. Then, after the movie the girls will get a spa treatment and the guys will get a spikey cool hair-do, then dress-up and get a free picture. We have never been to one, but I'm thinking this is going to be fun! After the playdate, we are heading the pumpkin patch and just going to have a super fun family day! Sunday we will attend Mass and head to the neighbors for her regular Sunday football party, but this party will be a pampered chef party! So excited! Fun, Fun, Fun!
The past few nights Wes has had me wanting to pull all my hair out! He refuses to go to bed and it has been a fight every night. He usually passes out around 3 am. I am totally exhausted all day because I don't get any sleep and we usually end up sleeping the day away because we are so tired from staying up the night before. It wouldn't be so bad, but he gets unusually hyper. He runs around, jumps from the couch the floor, jumps on the couch, and just gets into a handful of trouble. I feel so bad because I just feel myself constantly getting on to him. I don't like raising my voice or having to spank Wes, but he is leaving me no choice. By the time he goes to bed I just want to take a nice hot bath and go to bed. My house is a little neglected lol. He doesn't have sweets on a regular basis, but I am now making it only on special occasions where he can have sweets. I am cutting back his juice intake and am going to try and give him warm milk before bed so he can fall asleep better. After I hit the gym today, I am going to take him to the park and let him run his energy out and maybe walk around the PX. I am going to causally try and "accidentally" run into Fridays at the Fire lol (Chris hates it) We'll see if all goes well.
Today is going to be the best weekend before we send Chris off to training for a few weeks in Virginia. Tomorrow Fort Bliss is having a "Post Playdate" at 10am, where the kiddos get to see a movie, which includes popcorn and a drink for only $3. Then, after the movie the girls will get a spa treatment and the guys will get a spikey cool hair-do, then dress-up and get a free picture. We have never been to one, but I'm thinking this is going to be fun! After the playdate, we are heading the pumpkin patch and just going to have a super fun family day! Sunday we will attend Mass and head to the neighbors for her regular Sunday football party, but this party will be a pampered chef party! So excited! Fun, Fun, Fun!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
You don't know how lovely you are
Yesterday was just a nice and lazy day to be at home and hang-out with my boo! I made my steak burgers for supper and they were delicious!After Supper, Wes and I went to the park and then took a walk around the neighborhood. Of course Wes got tired halfway in so he ended up on my shoulders the rest of the time lol. Later, Wes pooped in his pants, then preceded to take his poopy pants off behind the couch and just had it all over his butt. He was being sneaky and when I finally saw what he had done I almost lost it because he got some all over my couch pillow! Not such a good night! I had to count to 5! He knows better too! I asked him where poopoo went and he answered in the potty! Why toddlers do these things just boggles my mind. Anyway, we survived with a bath, some yelling, and no spanking; only because it had crap all over it haha!!
Today, Chris is off early and I have decided that we are going to smash-burger tonight because kids eat free and because it's payday! Ah, this payday is the one where we will be caught up with bills and I could not be happier. Having no choice but to eat at home has made me appreciate cooking and I love making delicious and healthy choices for my family. Then, on today's like today I can appreciate going out to eat and not having to cook. Thank you God for leading us through the storm! You are amazing!
It's crazy to think that this time next year we will be back home and back to civi life! I am so excited!! I cannot wait to be near my family! I have family here, but no one will ever compare to my girls! I miss them so much!!
I just stopped blogging to make Wes some eggs. It's almost 3:30pm and he wants eggs! The eggs I bought have characters from Dora the Explorer and he is always wanting me to cook them. While we were cooking he told me, "Let me help babe!" I wanna just give him a million kisses when he does that! It is the absolute cutest thing EVER!
Later Gators!
Jena
Today, Chris is off early and I have decided that we are going to smash-burger tonight because kids eat free and because it's payday! Ah, this payday is the one where we will be caught up with bills and I could not be happier. Having no choice but to eat at home has made me appreciate cooking and I love making delicious and healthy choices for my family. Then, on today's like today I can appreciate going out to eat and not having to cook. Thank you God for leading us through the storm! You are amazing!
It's crazy to think that this time next year we will be back home and back to civi life! I am so excited!! I cannot wait to be near my family! I have family here, but no one will ever compare to my girls! I miss them so much!!
. . .
I just stopped blogging to make Wes some eggs. It's almost 3:30pm and he wants eggs! The eggs I bought have characters from Dora the Explorer and he is always wanting me to cook them. While we were cooking he told me, "Let me help babe!" I wanna just give him a million kisses when he does that! It is the absolute cutest thing EVER!
Later Gators!
Jena
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
In a Funk!
Today was my ultrasound at my OB's office; checking to see if I have any cysts from not having a period for 4 months. I won't know the results until December for my follow-up with all my meds and such, but I am hoping and praying that everything is great and the results won't matter so much because I will be pregnant=) I was in and out in 20 minutes! Record time for that doctor's office lol.
I am running on 2 hours of sleep and although Girl's Day was fun, I am sooo tired and drained from what happened before it. I am irritated and I am just peeved. I need to curl up in my bed with Netflix and fall asleep. I am ready for this day to be OVER AND DONE WITH! Please Wes, sleep until tomorrow morning because mommy is sooooo tired!
I am running on 2 hours of sleep and although Girl's Day was fun, I am sooo tired and drained from what happened before it. I am irritated and I am just peeved. I need to curl up in my bed with Netflix and fall asleep. I am ready for this day to be OVER AND DONE WITH! Please Wes, sleep until tomorrow morning because mommy is sooooo tired!
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