Deployment: The Transition

I am incredibly academically drained today! Chris has a 4 day this weekend ( LOVING THE ARMY RIGHT NOW!), but like always I have school work to do. I have an 89 average and I am trying to bump that to a high A with 2 more weeks to go in this class. I guess I have senioritis way to early! I still have 4 years to go! Such a long time, but in the end I know it will be worth it. We, well I, do not want to do 20 years in the military so, I want to have a good job by the time Chris is out and we go back to civi life!
          I find it so much harder to get class work done now that deployment is finally over. When Chris was gone I would do it when Wes went to bed or before Wes woke up in the morning. Now, I hate doing it in the evening because I just wanna be with Chris, I do not wanna be wasting my time doing schoolwork when I could be with my soldier. Yes, I know I wouldn't be "wasting" time, but I wanna just soak up the time that we have together. So, I find myself doing my assignments last minute, which I need to quit that asap. I also find it harder to get away with the house being a mess. When Chris was gone, I would get up in the morning and head over to Kim's and look at the house and tell myself I will clean it tomorrow, it was always tomorrow lol. Now, I can't get away with that shenanigans. Since I'm stuck in the freaking house all day (I totaled my car this summer, so I won't be getting a new one until May) due to no car, I have no excuse, but since he is only getting home at around 11am or 12pm (half days since his unit just got back), I just use the excuse that I clean when Wes naps or that I haven't gotten to it yet haha!
          Don't get me wrong I love my husband and I love him being home, but having to be reminded when there are dishes in the sink, or laundry to be washed, or messes to be cleaned really grinds my gears. I know it's there, I just don't feel like doing it at that moment in time lmao. I'm not lazy or a dirty person, I'm just use to doing what I have been doing for a whole year now and I can't just flip a switch.I am trying my hardest to have the patience, but every now and again an angry, not so nice word slips out of my mouth to let Chris know my feelings on his "reminders."
          I love having the extra help with Wes and with the house, it's awesome! The only thing Chris needs is some patience. That's all I ask lol. He is awesome on everything else, but the patience department! He is a great father and Wes just loves him to pieces. We hope to add to our family sometime soon! I can't wait for Wes to finally have a little sibling! He is going to be an awesome big brother. I know things will fall into place and I'll get the hang of things and learn how to balance them with Chris back home just as I did when he left, but it's going to take some time and I know I have the patience to survive this transition. I love my soldier!

Whatever the Army throws our Way, I'll be by your side.

So, I have been missing for a little over a week due to my husband coming back from his first deployment! Yep, we survived our first deployment! Although there have been some rough patches because of him transitioning back into our home, we are ecstatic to finally have him back. It's weird to think that he has been gone for a year. Yes, I know he was gone obviously because we lived through his absence, but I look back on everything and it makes me sad to think of everything he missed while being gone. Our son says full sentences now! Chris left when Wes was 15 months, he came back and he is now 2 years and 3 months, which is a big difference and a huge change.
          While Chris was deployed he decided that he wanted to reenlist, not only for 3 years like we originally planned when he joined, but for 5 years! I do support my husband, but I'm not sure I wanna do this career army lifestyle thing. We've (and yes I say WE because it is us who are in, we all move with Chris and we deal with deployments and training etc etc all together) been in coming up on 4 years, but it feels like forever! I can't even remember how life without the Army was. His date to get out would be September 2012; I just keep thinking that this would be our last full year in the Army. How awesome would that be? No more Army life and moving back home to sweet home Alabama! I would love that! I cannot deny that the Army has been good to us, without it we would not have our sweet little boy, our cars almost paid off, a good chunk of money coming our way, etc. It's been amazing, but I just want our time to be already over with. It would be awesome to get out and get back to normal civi life. I know it won't happen, but a girl can dream, can't she? I don't want to deal with another deployment, but I know if he stays in, it's inevitable. My life is planned around the Army, you plan something without including the Army and they screw up your plans last minute. So, you must always have in the back of your mind to make sure your plans are flexible because 99.9% of the time you will have to change them. I don't know where this journey will take us, but I'll stay on this ride supporting my soldier.


"Deployments last a few months, but our love lasts..forever"         

Deployment Survival Guide

This deployment survival guide was created for those of you who are or will be going through a deployment. Here are a few tips and ideas to help you get through the worst days while your service member is away. Each idea was submitted by members of our community (formerly known as ArmySpouseLife.com). A BIG thank you goes out to everyone who contributed to it.

1. STAY POSITIVE. Take it one day at a time and focus on the present, and look forward to the future. Playing the “what if” game for a long period of time WILL drive you insane. The days only get better!

2. It’s ok to be sad, to cry, and to scream every once in a while. It’s ok to not be ok! Bottling up those emotions are only going to hurt you in the long run. You can talk to someone about it, or write it all down. You’ll feel a lot better after you do. Also, remember that your service member isn’t leaving you just to leave you, this is his/her job. He/she needs you to be strong, especially when he/she needs support. It’s not fair to make them feel guilty, even when you feel justified in doing so.

3. Count down by Sundays (per week) instead of EVERY day. 56 is a much smaller number than 365! Having this kind of countdowns makes the time seem to pass a lot faster.

4. Take this time to learn something new. Grow as a person, learn a new skill, get a new hobby, etc. Your service member will be impressed when he/she gets home. ;)

5. If you can’t seem to pick yourself up out of bed or dry the tears from running down your cheeks stop and think a second if my service member was here right now what would he/she be saying to me? What would they think of my crying now? What would they tell me to do to make it all better? And then if you don’t guilt yourself into stopping at least try to get up and do what you think they might tell you to do. Remember the reason why you are doing this in the first place – because you are in love with the most wonderful man/woman in the world and it will all be worth it in the end.

6. Write in a journal everyday or night. Put down your thoughts, feelings, what you did and anything else. You could then show it to your soldier when he/she gets back. They’ll really enjoy reading about stuff you weren’t able to tell them on emails or phone calls during their deployment.

7. To ensure you don’t go crazy with all your built up conversations you want to share with your service member email them when they come to you. I set my email up to my phone so it feels just like I’m texting him still. And then when we do get to talk we touch on what I sent him or just have a whole new conversation. It makes me feel like we get to talk more often than we actually get to.

8. Take pictures or videos of random moments you & your service member have. Something that has been wonderful for us are the videos I took before my husband left. Now, these are just basic 1 minute long videos of my soldier brushing his teeth, telling me funny jokes, etc. I used my camera & my cell phone for these..they both have a video setting. Super easy & then I uploaded them onto my computer. On down days when I just needed a smile, a laugh or to hear his voice… I get to hit play and there he is.

9. Keep yourself busy. I volunteer at the school my kids go to, at church and community every chance I get. It keeps me so busy that I am not thinking about my spouse all the time and getting depressed about it. While I am working I am able to talk to other spouses that are going through the same thing or have similar interests.

10. Get a box to put all your keepsakes in. I have printed off our texts & emails & put them in our special box. They go right along with all our little momentos, letters & cards we’ve given each other so far. We will really enjoy reading over these one day. This is also a great way to keep yourself busy; decorate it, add more to it, etc.

11. Let your friends be there for you. They will never understand what you are going through, but they CAN listen and they mean well.

12. Make friends with people on sites like this! They are the only people that can ever truly understand what you feel, and people who are on these sites truly want to help you and can become your very best friends, even if you never meet them in person.

13. Have a family plan! Make sure all paperwork is in order. Make sure you have given your spouse the correct POA (Power of Attorney). Some may ask “What is a family plan?” Without your spouse with you, it’s important to carry on the normal task of paying bills, making purchases and taking care of the family. A lot of decisions can be made before the deployment. What do I pay? What do I save? On big purchases, what do I buy? My husband and I not only discuss the unpleasant what ifs, but the what is too. Taking charge of a deployment in your life can become a positive personal adventure. You have the ability and responsibility to meet your spouse at the end of the deployment: a whole person, who has grown personally and has continued the task of moving your family forward.

14. Keep pictures of the both of you together in your nightstand, purse, car, etc. That way every time you look at them you can relive that moment and how much you love & care about each other. :)

15. Try to maintain some sense of normalcy, the more routine you make things, the faster the time will go! Continue to do things like go to the movies, go shopping with friends, etc. Whether you are living your life or curled up in a ball of tears for the next year, your service member will not come home any faster, so you just as soon make the best of it and enjoy every single second you get to chat online or talk on the phone with your loved one!

16. Let this be a positive experience for your relationship. Whether this is your S.O, family member, or friend we’re talking about here, let this deployment bring you closer and make you stronger together. Be there for each other. It can only bring you apart if you LET it. No amount of time or distance can change how you feel about each other unless you both let that happen!

(I did not write this; came across this in  a facebook note, GREAT for anyone about to or going through a deployment, especially your 1st!)

Snow In the Desert

Wes enjoying the snow at home.

He is 2 years&&3 months old.

It's snowing! I am loving this! It almost never snows in central Alabama, which is where I was born and raised. I am not about to get on the road, one of 2 reasons. One being, I don't have airbags (that's another story for another day) and two being that El Pasoans and myself included, have no idea how to drive on the roads. So, we are stuck inside and enjoying a snow day. I built a snowbaby, it can't even be called a snowman because it's no bigger than toddler. Pretty sad, but it will suffice my need to build one for now. Sophia, my sweet kitty is somewhere out in this horrible mess. She has now been officially missing for a whole day! I am worried about getting her back, but there were pawprints in the snow this morning so I am hopeful she is close, just taking refuge somewhere warm.          

All for my Little Love

So, today I started my classes back for school! I am going for my Bachelor's in Elementary Education. I am attending online because I tried the going-to-school-on-campus  thing, but that obviously did not work out. I think I just don't want to leave Wes because I HAD to leave him when I was in high school, and now I don't really have too.
          I gave birth to Wes my first semester of my senior year in high school. Yes, he was planned, but my plans did not go the way I wanted them too, so thus he was born then. If my plans did go the way I had planned, I would have home schooled while I lived in Texas with Chris and he would have been there for Wes's birth.
          Chris joined the Army my Junior year of high school. I did NOT want him to have anything to do with the military! I thought everyone who joined the military died (yes, I know an ignorant thought, but hey, I was young & ignorant!). He started going to the recruiters station in Hoover and getting more information about the Army. I knew deep down that it was probably the best thing for him because he was totally not made for the classroom. He loved sports in high school and I knew he missed it. So finally in September,  Army life became real,  he left the day after my birthday (Septmeber 26th, 2007) for Montgomery to be sworn into the U.S. Army. After he left Montgomery, he would be headed to Ft. Jackson, SC for Basic Training. My mother, Chris's mother, myself, and Chris headed to the Hoover recruiting staion to say goodbye. We stopped by the Mexican restaurant right beside the recruiting staion to have lunch before Chris left to montgomery. Ever Since, We always seem to stop by that same restaurant to have a meal anytime Chris leaves anywhere else.
          Well, Chris left and then headed for basic. Meanwhile I was stuck in Alabaster busy with school, Volleyball, and work. It was quite different not having Chris around. We had been with eachother almost every day since we had been together (1/8/06). I missed him alot, but with everything going on in my life I did not have time to focus on him being gone. Finally came Decemeber! Chris was set to graduate on December 8th, 2007, but the day before was family day. I would have a whole day with Chris after three months! I was so excited!
          We (Chris's parents, 2 sisters, and brother) left Alabama and headed for South Carolina on December 6th, 2007. We got there later that night. The next morning we all got up early and headed for post. I will NEVER forget how cold it was that day! I had 2 jackets on, yet I was still freezing. I think we waited at least an hour before the activities for family day started. The soldiers came out from the woods and did a skit. There were some words spoken, but I was not listening at all; just looking for MY soldier. Then he said the words that everyone wanted to hear "Go find your soldier!" It was crazy there were so many people everywhere I looked around for him and then I heard his mom call my name. I turned around and there he stood. He was so different! He looked good with his uniform on and I just gave him a huge hug. I had missed him so much and finally there he stood right in front of me!
          He was allowed to leave with us for the day and we went to the PX, which I was absolutely fascinated with lol. We toured the post and looked around. I remember trying to give him a kiss and him FREAKING out saying he was going to get into so much trouble! I laugh so hard now and remember how scared he was about all those rules!
          He graduated the next day and I remember feeling so proud of him. It's a feeling I can't describe, just seeing him in his Class A's made my heart melt. He was acting really strange after he graduated. I remember us going up to the hotel room and his parent's and grandparents (they had joined us) kind of just disappeared. I sat down in one of the side chairs and he started pacing, and then he looked really scared. He got down on one knee (in his Class A's!) and opened the box with a beautiful engagement ring! The only thing that was missing was the words coming out of his mouth saying "Will you marry me?" Yeah, he forgot to ask! So he asked me, "So, will you?" I told him he hadn't asked me anything. Of course after he finally asked me I gave him a huge kiss and hug and said "YES!"
          Chris had to stay back and wait for Christmas exodus and I went back to school with a RING! Of course I kept that on the down low since I was only a JUNIOR!
          While Chris was back on Christmas exodus he bought me a beautiful red mustang and we thought why wait? Let's get married now! So, we did! On December 28th, 2007 we were married; A 19 year old and a 17 year old. I look back now and think we were CRAZY, but I would not change a thing! So I returned to school and Chris returned to to army life at Redstone Arsenal, married.
          Since Chris was only in Huntsville (a 3 hour drive), I would go up and see him on the weekends. We talked and planned. We decided we wanted to start a family. He had a stable job and when he got stationed somewhere, I would just stay home with our baby and home school. Well I got pregnant a month after we were married  and right as others found out I was married, they also found out I was pregnant. So, just to put that out there, I GOT MARRIED BEFORE I WAS PREGNANT WITH OUR PLANNED LITTLE BLESSING! OK, I feel better.
          Chris was stationed at Ft. Bliss, TX for the rest of his AIT. He got to Bliss in February and I joined him in March. We got an apartment and I started school in SISD. Money was tight and scarce, but I was so happy to finally be with my husband. In Alabama I had already passed all my required tests to graduate, but since I had moved to Texas I would have to take them all over again. Since money was tight and I would not be graduating if I had stayed there we decided that we would move me back to Alabama. The day I left was a quiet one. I in no way shape or form wanted to leave my husband. He would be missing everything about my pregnancy and most important our son's birth. We both knew it was for the best, but that did not make me feel any better.
          November came and our little boy was born. It was the best day of my life and it would have been better if Chris had not missed it. I am so thankful my mom was there for me through it all though. I went back to school in December and it was the hardest thing I have ever done, to leave my son. He stayed with a good friend of the family, but I still hated to leave him. I missed a lot of school because I did not want to leave him and in fact I was out the whole month of February because I hated the thought of leaving him at all.
          My sophomore English teacher spoke with me and inspired me to finally get back in school. I only had a few months left then I could be with Wes all I wanted. Well, I graduated thanks to a lot of support from my mom and sister. I was so proud of myself.

          So after that long explanation, I just cringe at the thought of leaving Wes on a regular basis, even to go to school. I tried to leave him in January 2010 to attend school at EPCC, well my poor baby was not immune to all the daycare diseases and he ended up with a double ear infection which caused one of his eardrums to burst. He is fine now, but I think it's a sign I shouldn't leave him. They are only little once and I don't wanna miss a thing. So, Ill just stick with my online courses. I am doing this because I want to inspire my son to achieve as much as he can, no excuses. So when he tells me "Mom it's too hard." or anything else I can say I did it by myself with a toddler, while balancing a household. I am excited to get started back to provide a better future for my son and to provide all that he needs. I know when he is older he will look back and be proud. That's all that really matters to me. I see who I want to be in my son's eyes.

         
         

Looking back over Deployment 2010

It's finally January! I cannot believe I will almost have my soldier home in my arms! I have missed him so much! I cannot wait to finally fill the lonely nights with some adult conversation, feel a warm body beside me in bed, and wake up to him instead of a wall. I have some amazing freinds who have helped me through this year. This year I have grown, matured, and I've become a much more independent individual. The summer of 2010 was NOT the best summer I have ever had, but I would not have changed a thing. I made tons of friends and I lost tons of friends. The ones who are around now are really the only ones who matter to me. I have had my parenting questioned. I've encountered "mean" girls. I've seen the ugliest of people revealed. I've seen words tear apart people. I've seen that words really do hurt. I've also felt that words can hurt. Even though Sybil (we will call her Sybil because she sure as hell acts like her) caused me so much drama this summer; I thank god for sending her into my life. I would have NEVER met the amazing girls who are in my life now if it were not for her. Sybil lead me to one amazing girl that I will NEVER forget as long as I am on this earth. This girl has been there to help me out when I needed ANYTHING! I know I can come to her and she will always be there. She has made me appreciate and love my little Wes a thousand times more (which I did not know was possible). I know God will bless her with children, she is too good of a person and has so much love to give to not to be a mother. When her time comes, she will make an amazing mommy to her little ones. I have never met anyone as geniune as her. I feel like I have known her my whole life; when in fact, it has been less than a year. I believe God put us in eachother's lives for a reason. I will always have a special place for her.
      Deployment was no easy feat. In a couple of weeks I can finally say "I SURVIVED MY FIRST DEPLOYMENT!" Not only did I survive a whole year without my husband, but that also includes handling being our son's mommy and making up the loss of not having daddy around,  Wes's first surgery, our first house flood, my ER trip for my massive migrain, a totaled car, putting Chris's car back together in order to drive it, and lastly one ER trip for Wes due to a busted forehead. That may be one eventful 1st Deployment,but me and my Wes did it! I also owe a huge thank you to an army wife that helped me go to the junk yard and look to find things for the mustang and then installed them for me. I will never forget that kindness and although we are no longer friends over trivial reasons, I hope to repay her for her kindness one day. I will never forget how much you helped me!
     God puts people in to our life for a reason. Some for only moments, some for years, and others for a lifetime. No matter the length, they all have a purpose.